Slayers Melee
by Melyn Tenshi
Summary: This peice of insanity is about myself, Melyn and my best buddy, Rhia getting sucked into the slayers world. We torment the cast and save the world from school administration!
1. Horrors to come: Slayers gets edited!

Slayers Melee

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Alright, this is a sequel to a story that my very good friend Rhiakat, or Rhia as I call her, wrote (And hopefully will post soon). The story before this was a Fushigi Yugi story. (That was just for your information, that anime will hold little to no influence on mine.) 

This story is basically about myself, Melyn, and Rhia patronizing the entire Slayers cast (Yes, even the ones that died in the first series.) Bwahahahahaha, yes, I know I'm evil. If you don't like it, LEAVE!!! Please R&R 

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Chapter 1:Horrors to come: the editing of Slayers!

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"Rhia!!" Melyn tore threw the schools hallways wailing at the top of her lungs. She whipped around a corner and tackle-hugged her friend, sending both of them crashing to the linoleum floor (our school is cheap). "It's Horrible!!"

"What?" Concern flooded the Demi-Neko-jin's eye's. Her idiot friend never behaved like this. Melyn was perky and cheery to the point of making the Goth's scream in terror. This girl almost oozed positive energy, to see her in this state of distress meant real trouble.

"'Fox Kids' got their slimy hand on Slayers!" The Otaku said between sobs. "Their editing it!" She buried her face in Rhia's sky blue coat and let the water works fly.

Visions of Slayer's Says, a cheap look alike to the infamous Sailor Moon Say's, flooded the two obsessed girls head. The whole idea of a moral report given by Lina Inverse about how fighting is bad and how to protect the environment made them both shutter.

Rhia sighed and pushed the still teary eyed Melyn off. She massaging her temples. Melyn had a tendency to believe any rumor she head. Just last year Spike McAllister, a practical jokester but a friend, told her Michael Jackson was after her. She believed him, and to this day runs shrieking like a banshee from any song of his.

She was a joyous friend to have, a little naive at times, but all around sweet. Of course not every day do you come across a super obsessed Anime fan (or Otaku, as she likes to be called) that would do anything to see a Bishonen, even run into walls at top speeds. That was fun explaining to the nurse how she got a concussion. 

Rhia chuckled, she was a little sadistic, but only because her friend was so animated. Hell, she was probably more animated than Xellos...and has the intellect of Gourry. The only difference between her and the Jelly-fish Brain was the fact she could remember people, especially hot guys. Her appetite was much different too. In time, Rhia would bet all she owned, to show Melyn could eat more than Gourry and Lina combined. 

Rhia was much different. She was also quite insane, it was just better hidden than her friends. She had a Lina Inverse attitude, she got what she wanted, when she wanted it and was quick to temper. But she knew when to back off and shut up, a trait her friend still needed to master. 

She couldn't eat as much as Lina, that was probably the only difference she had with the fiery sorceress

Well, except physical. Rhia was half Neko-jin, a cat person. She had the build of a regular human, but had the cat ears, tail and some really kickin' fangs, those mostly appeared when she was ticked off. She was sleek and graceful...most of the time. She was tall and wore a very stylish pair of glasses that fit with her emeralds green eyes.

Rhia removed her glasses and cleaned them, all the while, still eyeing Melyn. "So what do you plan to do?" She snorted sarcastically.

"Well..." Melyn thought hard in complete silence. Her hand rested on her chin, a thing she does when thinking really hard. "I thought we could warn them!"

"The Slayers cast." Rhia bit back a laugh "And how will we do that?"

"Um..." She thought some more, now tapping her foot. "How about we do it the same way we got into the Fushigi Yugi world!" (Alright, another story. If you haven't read it, we basically opened the book "Universe of the Four Gods" and got sucked into that Anime, much like Miaka did.) 

"You Idiot!" Rhia pulled out a large bass and hit Melyn over the head with it, despite the awkward looks the other students gave. "We can't get into the Slayers Universe with 'The Universe of the Four gods'!"

"I know. I just thought if we opened the Clair Bible we could get in."

Rhia's eye started to twitch. She held back the passion to throttle Melyn's throat with her bare hands. "What did you have for breakfast today?" She said threw clenched teeth.

"Coffee..?" She smiled sweetly, utterly clueless to her steaming friend. 

'That's great, just great. A super hyper idiot.' Rhia thought counting down from ten. 'Aw, screw it!' She reached out and grabbed Melyn's pigtails and pulled until their faces were inches apart. 

"And how will we get the Clair Bible?!" She hissed

"Well," Melyn pulled away from her friend, still oblivious to her anger, and reached into her Mysterious Bag O' Wonder (a.k.a. her backpack). "I have It!" She pulled out a light blue book. embroider in gold on the cover was the words 'Clair Bible.' "Of course this is the English translation."

Rhia's eyes bulged as her jaw hit the floor. "How...how...?"

"Did I get it?" Melyn thought hard for the third time that day. " I found it! In my closet!"

Ah, yes. Now it all became clear. Her closet was literally the land of no return. It was amazing what turned up. Even more amazing was the fact that Melyn knew her was around. They once found El Dorado in that black hole...

"Gimme!" Rhia's greed got the best of her and she lunged for the book.

"No! It's mine!" Melyn backed away, clutching the book to her chest.

Rhia lunged again, she didn't notice the fact that they were at the edge of the stair case. Both toppled down the four flights of stairs that Wayzata High held, still arguing about the book.

Once they finally stopped they looked up with dizzy eyes to see Mr. Beagini (Be-a-weenie), the vice principle. The man could scare anyone. He was very tall and intimidating. The top of his head held no hair, but of what he had, it looked like horns. Rumors flew that he was actually a Mazuko. He did get pleasure out of others pain.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" he sneered "Two hoodlums late for class!" His gaze wandered down to the book Melyn still clutched "And what's this? Religion?! In school?!" He snatched the Clair Bible away.

"Um...no..."Melyn said timidly, "That's the Clair Bible." She reached for it.

"I don't care if it belongs to Claire! The rules are clear! No religion!"

"What rule says 'no religion'?" Melyn whispered to Rhia. She shrugged. Both girls looked up in time to see Be-A-Weenie open the book.

"NO!" They lunged at the administrator as a silver light engulfed all three of them. In a flash Rhia and Melyn appeared far above the Earth.

"Where's Be-A-Weenie?!" Melyn cried as she fell at an alarming rate.

"I don't know!" Rhia clutched to her friend, "What do we do?"

"I don't know!" Melyn screeched as the ground closed in on them. 

TO BE CONTINUED... 

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Alright! Midnight, coffee and Altoids keep Melyn up for days...O.O I feel happy... maybe I should rest...mouth surgery + medication = HAPPY ME!!!! I'll try to get chapter two up shortly, but for now it's night night. For all of you wondering, I am this insane. Just ask Rhia.

Rhia: nods head

And, for all you non-Japanese speakers (like myself, but I know a little thou!) 

Demi = half

Neko = cat

jin = race

Otaku = obsessed fan ^.^ guess who this is??

Bishonen = Hot guy!

Mazuko = demon, monster, Xellos!

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. I'm sorry school administration, you guys to your job good!(thus being the basis of our big bad villains, you guys are so mean!! *sob sob* )


	2. A new evil: Vice-Principles!

Hello again and welcome to chapter 2!! this tidbit of insanity is brought to you be the wonderful administration, who screwed up my schedule and gave me the wrong class'(again)!

Alrighty, it was brought to my (limited) attention that Rhikat is not as greedy as I made her out to be (thank you so much Rhia ^_#). To clarify things, she is self-centered, homicidal, and spoiled! Just kidding! She is a wonderful person and is only greedy when it comes to things like the 'Clair Bible'.

Rhia's eye's are also violet, not green, sorry about that! ^.^;

If you are reading thus far into my story, it must be really late at night. This story is not like most Slayer fics, in fact it is the second story in a series Rhia and I are writing! This fic consists of chaos and drug induced fun! (When I say drugs I mean Ni-Quil...yeah...that's it... Ni-Quil...)

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A new evil: Vice-Principles! 

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Rhia clenched her eyes closed. The sensation of falling ceased and the presence of strong, cool arms entwined around her middle eased her mind the slightest. The only thing bothering her now was the high pitched ringing in her ears.

Her violet eyes slowly opened and the world came back into focus. The past few minutes also came back. Mr. Be-a-Weenie opened the Clair Bible and now she was L-sama knows where, with a splitting head-ache.

"Does she ever shut up?!" A loud girls voice roared.

Rhia looked up and there was Melyn, in Lina Inverse's arms, screeching her head off... "Lina Inverse?!" Rhia screamed pointing "You...you..."

"You got Zelly-chan!" Melyn whined, tears streamed down her cheeks "I got stupid ol' Lina Inverse." She pouted and remarkably resembled a sad puppy.

"Stupid ol' Lina Inverse?!" The sorceress hissed. Her face fumed and her arms lost their grip on Melyn, obviously not accidental. 

Melyn crashed into the ground, not any more than twenty meters high, with a nice loud thunk followed by funny sounds of an airhead seeing stars.

Rhia's mind was still in awe. Lina Inverse was her. Was it at all possible that Melyn was right about the Clair Bible? For now, Rhia decided to keep her mouth shut around a certain character that could incinerate her in a matter of seconds. 

But that last comment Melyn made, before her swan dive into the dirt, still plagued the Neko-jin's mind. She looked up to see Zelgadis. He didn't look to pleased about holding Rhia up in the air.

"Can I please put her down." The Chimera huffed. He obviously missed his cup of coffee this morning.

"Sure." Lina sighed. Both didn't look to happy. But, judging from how much light was out at this time and Rhia couldn't blame them.

School started much too early. It was probably around seven in the morning when they were sucked here. The Slayers were most likely still asleep. For once Melyn's vocals did provide use! That was the only thing that kept them from eating dirt on this fine Monday morning.

"So, did you forget how to fly?" Lina's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Actually, Melyn and I are from another world. We cast a...She cast a spell and we were accidentally brought here." Rhia explained as Melyn rubbed the bump on her head.

"I didn't cast that spell! Be-a-Weenie did!"

"Right, and who, may I ask, let the Clair Bible fall into the enemy's hands?"

"Clair Bible!" Zelgadis and Lina screamed in unison, waking everyone else up.

Melyn sulked and murmured to herself "Well I didn't see you grab for it when he took it... stupid vice-principle." She reached into he bag-o-wonder.

"What's a 'vice principle?" Amelia looked dumbfounded, or just tired. Mornings had a way of making people forget more than usual.

"Corrupt peace keepers, that what vice principles are." Rhia sighed and watched Melyn, who was still digging threw her bag. "What are you doing?"

"Huh?" Melyn looked up. "Searching for cloths!" She grinned stupidly as she held up the purple outfit." Be right back!" She smiled and ran off.

Rhia sweat dropped and looked to her companions backpack. The purple bag looked ordinary enough, of course she learned long ago never to doubt Melyn. She reached over, grabbed the bag and looked in.

It was just as she suspected. Absolutely no school work, just a sketchbook, a notebook and a large bag of Cheetos. Rhia had no idea how she could pull all that crap out of the empty bag-o-wonder.

"Ta-Dah!" Melyn bounced out. She looked cute, of course that is probably the only thing going for her. Her hair was still done up in odangos (Sailor Moon-like). The purple outfit greatly resembled Lina's pink outfit, but it did have enough differences so the writer of this crap won't get a copy write law suit filed against her...(^^;) The sash across her chest was a dark blue and her cape was black. Her black boots had a slight heel. This was a nice change from her normal baggie cloths look.

"Alright, Brain-Dead, do I get an outfit?" Rhia sighed. Being trapped in the 'Slayers' world was not on today's agenda.

"Yep!" Melyn grabbed her bag and pulled out a red out fit and tossed it to Rhia.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Melyn stared blankly.

"Never mind." Rhia sighed and she too, quickly changed. 

The outfit made a great contradiction to her violet eyes. It was an over sized red shirt. The sleeves held off of her wrist by a few inches. A dark brown belt went around her waist, making the shirt look smaller. The red pants fit perfectly, and so did the brown boots.

"Any clue on where Be-a-weenie went?"

"Not a clue." Melyn was munching on her chips.

"well that's just grea-EEEEE" Rhia screeched, her fur stood up on end as she whipped around to see Gourry smiling like an idiot.

"You have a tail!" He pointed out the obvious.

"Of course I do!" She hissed acidly "I'm a Neko-jin!"

"What's that?"

"A cat person! See! Cat ears! Cat tail! Cat fangs!" She pointed to each of her fetchers. 

"Oh," Gourry's eyes grew sympathetic. "Did someone curse you, like they did to Zel over there?"

"No, my parents were cat people, thus making me a --Oh, forget it!" She threw her hands in the air

"Forget what?" He smiled again and Lina smacked him.

Rhia let her attention fall back to more pressing matters, "Ok, we find Be-a-weenie and get back home." She sighed and rubbed her temples.

"B...but I wanna stay!" Melyn whined, she had a way of getting what she wants through crying. "I wanna see my favorite person!" 

As if on cue, he appeared. His eyebrows were cross, and he was muttering profanities under his breath. For once Xellos was having a really bad day! 

Melyn's eyes filled with little hearts as she watched the purple haired priest. She got into her full-glomp position "Xelly-" She leapt and was cut off in mid jump by Rhia, who knocked her out by throwing her Economics book.

"Sorry," Rhia sweat dropped at the looks given by the Slayers gang. "Xellos wouldn't have been happy with what she was going to do." Rhia dragged the unconscious girl away and joined in on the important information that was most likely going to take place.

"So, what happened to you?" Lina snorted "Some demon put a barney toy in your bed or something?"

Xellos shuttered at the thought of the purple dinosaur "If only that were the case."

"So what, Mr. Xellos?" Amelia asked in her usual sweet tone.

"Well...basically I was fired." He eyed Rhia and continued "Someone over threw Beast Master and I don't like him."

"Somebody over threw Beast Master?"

"That's not a good thing, is it?" Gourry whispered to Rhia

"Not really, no."

"This new guy's an ass. He's demanding things that can't be done. It's basically chaos and order mixed together." Xellos laughed "We Mazuko's now have to do our jobs with more reason than 'it brings chaos into normal life.' We now have to wear name badges and give out some thing called...I think he called it 'Sat-on-day-school" Xellos sighed as everyone gave a disgusted look. "No, that's not it, it was--"

"Saturday School!!" Melyn bolted upright from the place Rhia left her. She clung to Rhia's leg. "I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go!" 

Rhia sighed and brought out her crow bar. "Melyn, why would there be Saturday school here?"

"Because...it's the plot of this crap?" *Author gets involved with the story and smacks her story self with a lamp.* "I mean... maybe Be-a-weenie went to them instead."

"Makes sense." Rhia sighed.

"How do you know about Saturday School?" Xellos asked, backing away from the overly happy red head.

"Well, basically..."Rhia went into a detailed summery of the events that just happened, also elaborating on the fact that we are the highest and mightiest people in our world and the whole schooling process in which they make poor children endure. "...and then we came here."

"We have school here, you know." Amelia stated "And it isn't that bad."

"School isn't bad, it's just the administrators hate us for locking a goat in the office with our permanent records." Melyn inched her way to Xellos, hoping she wouldn't be seen. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

"What are you doing?" Xellos backed away even more. "Get away from me!" He swung his staff at the otaku, and missed

"Xelly!" She flung herself at him and attached her entire body to his leg. "I love you so much! Never leave me the was the guys in the last story did!"

"GET OFF" Xellos hit her repeatedly on the head, each time raising his voice louder, in some sad way hoping this would get the leach off of him. He obviously was in heaps of pain.

Rhia took out her camera and snapped pictures to sell later. After taking enough pictures to sell, Rhia put her camera away and tore Melyn from the unconscious Xellos. "Alright, I have an idea that won't work, but it will help pay for my collage tuition." She patted her camera "We band together the entire Slayers cast and take down out vice principle!"

"Cast?" Gourry asked. Everyone shrugged, not to sure about following these to crazies.

"I don't know what a 'cast' is, but I'm board and there has to be a cast opportunity somewhere, those two are probably worth a fortune!" Lina started to drool. 

"Um...Rhia...some of the cast is dead..."Melyn pointed out the obvious.

"Well...we'll find a spell that brings the dead back to life!" Rhia laughed 'Oh boy, this is gonna take awhile... ah well, who cares. They might make it into a new TV. series, Slayers High.' She laughed insanely until she choked on a bug. "Can we end this chapter without more humiliation?!" Rhia screamed at the sky

"No." Came the loud, booming voice of the author threw a megaphone. Suddenly her sleep deprivation kicks in and Melyn the Otaku is off in Bishonen world, signifying the end of this chapter.

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WOW! That sucked! I promise the next chapters will be much better!

Disclaimer: I do not own this, I do not own that! No animals were hurt in the writing of this fic. Every person and incidents involved are fictional, but if you see anyone much like the two main characters, please, notify the proper authorities and keep all Bishonen away. Thank you. 


	3. Magic, Midol and Mopeds!

Chapter 3

Ok! It's chapter 3! Now the insanity really takes off! Please R&R, e-mail me if your really board! Also, I love reading reviews, both good and bad so...

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Magic, Midol and Mopeds!

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Lina sighed "So, when do we start?"

"We start when Fillia gets back." Rhia said tying Melyn to a tree. Poor Xellos couldn't take much more of her glomping. "She is out with Valguav, right?"

"That's who she was with when she left." Xellos reached into Melyn's bag and popped pills into his mouth.

"Why'd you do that?!" Melyn asked, a look of shock on her face.

"Kid, your a headache." Xellos drank from her water bottle. "It was either Tylenol of a stiff drink. Tylenol was the only thing on hand."

"That's not Tylenol..."

"I. B. Prophen then."

"Nope."

"Advil?" Xellos' face turned to one of worry

"Nope."

"What the hell is it then?!" He leapt into her face "What kind of meds are these?!"

"Well, you took two Midol." She smiled sweetly "You won't have cramps or any other symptoms of your--" 

"Just shut up." He growled and walked away.

"Melyn!" Rhia walked over to her friend. "Do you have a spell book in your backpack?"

"I think so..." Melyn grabbed her backpack with her feet and pulled it to the tree. In one amazing act, she opened the back pack and dug around. All without the use of her hands, which were tied to the tree too. "This is easier if I was untied." She eyed Rhia

"Not a chance, I untie you and Xellos is in the emergency room." The Neko-jin huffed and continued to watch her friend work.

"Here!" Melyn pulled out a book with her feet. "This has a lot of spells!"

"Good! I put you in charge of finding a spell that brings the dead back to life!" She patted Melyn on the head and went back to Lina to discuss plans to bring down the evil, now overload, Be-a-weenie.

Melyn growled incoherent profanities under her breath as she flipped threw the book. "Hey Gourry! My buddy!" She smiled sweetly to the blond man. "Is there any chance I could get you to cut me loose?"

"Um...I think you're nice and all, but the kitty said she'd scratch my eyes out if I helped you down. I believe her, she and Lina are really close and I don't think it'll be smart on my part to make either of them mad. Sorry." He smiled sweetly "I will sing if it will make you feel better." 

"Damn." Melyn cursed and went back to finding a spell. 

"Hello...what's going on?" Fillia stared wide eyed at the scene she arrived at a few minutes later. The group grew by two from the last time she was there, only a few hours ago she left. Valguav stood behind her.

"Fillia!" Melyn's eyes filled with tears. "Your dating Val! What about Xellos?!" (Fillia & Xellos 4ever! ^^;) 

"So what were you and Val doing in the bushes?" Rhia inquired

Suddenly, out of the bushes a little woman appeared! "How dare you change the ratings of this story and make it into a lemon!" The woman screeched. Yes! This was Miss. Manners! The super tidy, super polite person in which keeps things in too much order! 

"Oh, no!" Rhia turned on heal and ran from the lady.

"Rhikat! You potty-mouth! I will wash it out!" 

After a few minutes of running, Rhia grew tired and tripped over an uprooted root and crashed into the ground. Miss. Manners sat on Rhia's back and proceeded to wash the Neko-jin's mouth out with soap.

Then, as quickly as she appeared, Miss. Manners ran off into the wilderness to torture some other poor potty-mouth.

"I...I'm not dating either of them! I am a pure Dragon Maiden!" Fillia's clarified, establishing no more confusion over her romantic life to the entire Slayers cast. Still, her face flushed a deep crimson red.

"So...Val's free...?" Melyn asked, much hope in her voice

"Of course I'm free!" Val huffed "Women can be very obnoxio-oof!" He didn't have time to finish as Melyn glomped herself to his head.

Valguav's arms flailed, trying to free himself of the girl's death grasp to his head. 

Rhia whipped out her digital camera and, once again brought personal profit before the health and well-being of other living beings. Of course, this picture would be a great addition to the scrapbook of adventures the two fans were going through.

Once again, Xellos collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain.

"Well, Xellos," Fillia stood over him. "With all the negative emotions coming from Val, you should be having a feast!"

"Those...negative...emotions...are...are...keeping me...conscious..."He clutched to Fillia's skirt and pulled himself up. "Far...to...happy..." He collapsed onto the Dragon, sending both of them to the ground.

Fillia's face turned to horror at the sight of a fainted Mazoku on top of her "Yuck!" She threw him off.

Rhia put her camera away, figuring Val could really go for air at this moment. (Of course this is after she took great black mail photo's of Fi and Xel). She gripped Melyn and ripped the otaku off of the Dragon-Demon's head, unfortunately, some of his light aqua hair also left, still in the clutches of Melyn.

"NOOO!!" Melyn cried, trying to break free of Rhia.

Val's eyes widened and he ran from Melyn.

"How did you break free? We tied you to a tree?"

"I found a spell that disintegrates rope! I used it when Miss. Manners showed up!" Melyn said proudly. She held up the book of spells. "I also found a spell that brings the dead back to life!"

Rhia could still taste Pine sol in her mouth. "Great! Let's go!" She watched Melyn "So...do you have a car in that bag-o-wonders?"

"It's a backpack, the bag-o-wonders is too small to hold a car." Melyn sighed "And people call me stupid, you don't even get perspectives" Rhia glared "But I do have this!" Melyn reached in her bag and pulled out a mo pad. "You can use this!"

"How will this hold everyone?"

"Well duh," Melyn laughed like it was obvious what to do. "I have the 'official transportation of the Slayers' universe!" Melyn reached in her bag once again and brought out a cart filled with hay.

"No car, but you do have that thing." Rhia yelled pointing to the cart.

"So..." Everyone sweat dropped as a cow fell from the sky and landed on top of Melyn.

"I 'got milk'!" Melyn swayed away as the Slayers cast climbed onto the cart full of hay. Rhia started up the moped.

"Get on!" Rhia yelled to the, still dazed and confused Melyn

"I have my own..." Melyn moaned as she grabbed her head, "I'll catch up..."

"We're going to the town Sylphiel is from...Whatever it's called."

"Ok...is that the town with the really big tree?"

"Yes Melyn, the town with the really big tree." Rhia sighed and started to drive off. The cart really didn't slow Rhia's vehicle down. The little motor bike had a lot of power. 

Rhia continued to drive, with no sign of Melyn anywhere. She started to feel bad about leaving her friend behind. That was before she heard the engine rivet and saw a motorcycle shoot by.

"Melyn?!" Rhia screamed. Sure enough, it was Melyn. A boom box was strapped to the back and was playing Stephen Wolfe's 'Born to be Wild'. 

"See! My own wheels!" Melyn said proudly when she pulled up to the side of Rhia's moped.

Rhia growled and the rest of the trip was silent, except for the boom box playing all the greatest hits from the sixties, seventies, and eighties.

They arrived at --Insert Sylphiel's town name here-- just before the sun went down. The group found an inn, ate a rather large dinner that was consumed in a short amount of time thanks to Melyn's appetite. Everyone took what they could before Melyn took her portion. Needless to say, her eating manners and habits put both Gourry and Lina to shame.

"Tomorrow we find Sylphiel and revive the cool dead people here." Rhia yawned later that night as she lay in bed

"The 'cool dead people?" Melyn asked, snuggling with her Xellos plushie.

"Well, the stupid, ugly, no one really cares about dead people are pointless." Rhia explained

"Oh, so were just reviving the people you remember from the series."

"Precisely! Now we're thinking on the same level!" She turned to the other bed, "No need to revive the whiny characters that died because of that, right Melyn...Melyn?"

The sounds of light snoring filled the air like a rusty dump truck. Melyn was fast asleep, either that or she was choking on her tongue. Rhia didn't care to figure this out.

The next morning the real work would begin. But for now, the Slayers cast slept, in a sense, and prayed that the structures would not buckle on account of Melyn's horrible sounds of death and last the night.

Ok! Once again, I do not own Slayers, others do...blah blah blah. I do not own Miss. Manners, someone else, unfortunately, owns her.

Please! Read chapter four (when I get my lazy butt in gear and post it)! Thank you if you've endured this much! I love you guys!


	4. Oh L! When will it end?

Oi! Hi peoples! My aren't we having fun? I'm dedicated to my story. You see, I have a massive English report on the 'Grapes of Wrath' due tomorrow, but I'm here, working on my story for you! Is that love or what?

Sorry 'bout not updating and stuff. Between getting a massive case of the flu that left me out for a good week and a half, finals, starting new classes and going on vacation (yah, yah, excuses, excuses...). On the bright side I have a lot more Melee! 

Well, here's chapter four, written in Science class. This is much more fun than learning about the rate grass grows, isn't it?

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Oh L-sama, when will the insanity end?

^.^*^.^^.^*^.^*^.^

*hehe, lil Xellos'*

Morning came far to slow for everyone in the inn that night. Well, except for Melyn, who slept like a ton of bricks. Her vocals kept half the town awake that night. Most of the towns folk believed _yet_ another monster/demon/evil force came to destroy their town, _yet_ again.

"Gourry," Lina moaned "Gimme some more food."

"Eat fast, The snoring stopped. Melyn's awake." The blond swordsman whispered 

"Morning!" Melyn bounced into the dinner below the inn and sat at the table with the Slayers cast. "So what's for breakfast?" She picked up the menu. "Hey Rhia! What 'cha want?" 

"Coffee..."The neko-jin slugged to the table "And a Tylenol." Zelgadis handed her a cup of coffee. "Melyn, how can you make such noises?"

"What noise?" The girl asked after giving the waiter her order. (Everything on the menu x4, if you were wondering)

"That snoring noise." Gourry pulled his plate away from the drooling girl

"I don't snore!" Melyn laughed, "It must have been Rhia." Everyone sweat dropped at the girls stupidity.

"Gourry dear!" Sylphiel ran in, looking like her usual happy self.

"Gourry dear." Lina mocked. She fumed at the sight of Sylphiel all over Gourry.

"Um...Melyn, let's go." Rhia backed away from the jealous Lina.

"But I'm not finished!" Melyn whined. She shoved a plate full of food down her throat as Rhia grabbed her friends pig-tails and yanked her out of the building.

"Rhia!" Melyn ran up and down the streets, making it obvious she was a tourist. "Looky! Looky!" She grabbed Rhia's arm and pulled her along "Can we go to the Big tree? Huh? Huh?"

"Ok, we'll revive Kopii and Eris there."

"What about Rezo? He's cool!" Melyn pouted

"After we revive Psycho Lady and the Double."

"But I want Rezo!" Melyn's pout increased

"You just like his jingly staff!" Rhia spat

"So?"

"Let's just get to the tree and get them." Rhia grabbed the bag-o-wonder from Melyn and headed for the tree. (If you can't tell, I forget the tree's name ^^;) "Do you need anything to perform this spell?"

Melyn looked in her book. "I need...a loaf of bread, raspberry jam, a cup of hot cocoa and two bishonen."

Rhia sweat dropped "Melyn that sounds like lunch and the thing you want most in life."

"It's what the book says!" Melyn pointed to the page and Rhia snatched it out of her hands. 

"Can I have the book back?" Melyn asked when Rhia paled "And will you get the supplies?"

"I'll get your damn supplies." Rhia grumbled and thrust the book back at her companion and sulked off.

Melyn sat on the damp forest ground and read over the spell all the while talking quietly to herself. "Ok," she mumbled. "I do that with the bread...that with the jam...and I do that with the cocoa...and **_that _**with the bishonen." (Alright sickos, I know what some of you are thinking --glares at sickos thinking sick things about innocent me-- and this WILL NOT turn into one of those sick fics you sickos read in the dead of night in your sick rooms with your sick friends discussing sick things so... yeah....)

Rhia returned a few minutes later with a bag full of the supplies needed. " Alright!" She seemed much more cheerful than when she left. "I've got your bread. I hope it doesn't matter if it'd white or wheat because I got rye." She put the bread in front of Melyn, who was giving an icky face. "Here's the jam, it's raspberry, I checked." The neko took the jam out too. "And here's the cocoa! This was hard to get. Did you know there are no Starbucks here?" Rhia took out a covered coffee mug with the word 'Bishonen' written on it in lavender righting. "I want my cup back." She glared at Melyn, who obviously wanted it.

"Where's my Bishonen?" 

"They're coming, they're coming." Rhia waved it off. "Need anything else?"

"Well, when I was reading it says that since Kopii is Rezo's clone that we can bring him back too!" Melyn put her hand to her chin, like she was thinking. "Actually it said that if two people were related and one died that if we go to the place where that one died we can resurrect the other...are Kopii and Rezo related?"

"I guess we can call them that. They are like identical twins...psychotic, killing, power hunger identical twins..."

"Ok!" Melyn beamed. "I need something that belonged to Rezo, you know...a hat, a teddy bear (snickers at Rezo's pink teddy bear), his...stuff...that's what will bring him back"

"Zelgadis has to have something."

As if, right on cue, Zelgadis and Gourry leapt out of the bushes at top speeds, their swords were drawn and they looked ready for battle.

"Where is the energy Mazoku who is intensifying Melyn's powers to the point where the world will collapse on itself due to the amount of positive energy that much resembles the evil powers of Care Bears!" Zelgadis yelled

"To tell you the truth, Stony, there is no Mazoku. We needed you here to resurrect Eris, Kopii and Rezo. Sorry about lying, but, we needed you."

"What?!" Zel roared at the thought of bringing the one person he hated more than life itself back to life. "I'm not helping." He turned and started to walk away.

"Hold it!" Rhia leapt threw the air and, by some miracle, tackled the man made out of stone to the ground. She quickly bound and gagged him with magic ropes that can only be removed by saying a secret password.

"Well," Melyn commented, keeping her distance from the chimera that looked like he would seriously beat them once he got free. "That _is _a way to keep him here."

"He won't be going anywhere." Rhia glared at Gourry, who was petrified on the spot "Are you going to go?"

"N...no...Miss...Rhikat... I...I'm not going." The blond forced on a smile. "I...I'm n...not that...dumb."

"Good."

"May I please start the spell." Melyn picked up the bread and cut a hole in the top.

She then proceeded to filled the hole with the jam. "First part of the spell I must do this," she held up the oozing bread to show Rhia, "And then smash it against the place the dead died!" Melyn chucked bread and it splattered against the tree, some bits and pieces hitting Zel and Gourry. 

"Now I must do the Mexican hat dance around the hot cocoa while singing 'La Cucaracha'" Melyn started to dance while singing the words to a song she didn't know. "LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA! GET IT WHILE IT'S GOOD AND HOT! LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA! IT'S SO TASTY WHILE GOOD AND HOT!!"

"Isn't 'La Cucaracha' mean the cockroach?" Gourry asked 

"Just...don't ask." Rhia sweat dropped "Melyn! Hey! What about the bishonen?"

"They sit there and look pretty." Melyn looked down at the spell book. "Does Mr. Zelga-bunny have anything of the great R. Man?"

Rhia looked over at Zelgadis. The look he gave told her exactly what she needed to know. "If I go near Mr. Zelga-bunny, I will be decapitated in the most unholy way imaginable and then he will proceed to have my bloodied head shoved down what's left of my throat and then light my corpse on fire just to piss on the ashes, am I right?" 

Zel nodded in amazement. Rhia had the best was of knowing the brutal ways in which someone wanted to kill her. It was a gift, in some twisted sense.

"Can we just use Zel himself?" Rhia asked. "He is Rezo's creation."

"I think he prefers the term 'great grandson/grandson'."

"I meant Stone Boy's physical form, not genetics. But either way works" 

"Now for the oral spell of gibberish!"

"Gibberish?"

"If it's in another language, it's Gibberish." Once again Melyn's logic makes no scene what-so-ever but does answer the question at hand. 

"Efil ot kcab gnirb

Daed ecno erew taht thes

Ot kcab meht gnirb

Doolb dna hself,"

A bright blue light surrounded Melyn as she chanted out the rest of the spell.

"Htaerb meht ekam,

Evom meht ekam,

Keab meht gnirb

Won dna erch!

Eris, Kopii and Rezo!"

The ground began to shake after Melyn finished her spell. The tree's roots unearthed and sent Gourry flying threw the air and out of the forest.

"What did you do?!" Rhia throttled Melyn's throat, "Moron!! You did something wrong!!"

"I did it right!" I did it right! Just like the book said!" Melyn flipped threw the book quickly. "See! Right there..." Melyn suddenly passed out

Rhia looked quizzically at her friends blue face and realized her hands were wound too tightly around Melyn's neck. "Ah...sorry." Rhia let go.

"As I was saying...this is support to happen!!" 

The ground underneath the girls gave way and both tumbled into the darkness below the gigantic tree...ah...Flagoon. (is this correct?)

"Rhia!" Melyn clung to the body in the darkness. "Rhia I'm scared! It's dark!" Melyn wailed.

"Where are you?" Rhia yelled.

"Duh! I'm the one clinging to your waist!"

"...Melyn..." Rhia said after a long silence. "There's...there's no one around my waist..." She sighed. "Hold on, I'm gonna cast a light spell." She held up her hand as a little ball of light appeared.

Across the cave stood Melyn. Her arms were tightly around a man wearing a red dress and had the absolute worst case of bed-head ever.

"M...Melyn..?!"

"Rezzy-chan!" Melyn squealed in delight and held the unhappy priest tighter.

"What in the name of Shabraningdo?!" Rezo screamed and hit Melyn with his staff. "Get off of me!"

"Rhia! Rhia! I found Rezo!"

"Good for you." Sarcasm dripped from the neko's mouth. "Where are the other two?"

"Probably where they died." Melyn dodged the staff "I don't care about Eris, she's kinda bitchy. Maybe we should get back to the surface?"

"Who the hell are you?" Rezo was obviously not the most cheerful when waking up.

"Hello! I'm Rhikat, call me Rhia." She waved, "And this is my partner in crime, Melyn. If she brakes anything, I'm not liable."

Rezo nodded in understanding.

Rhia continued "We need your help to obliterate the faculty member, Mr. Be-a-weenie. There will be pluses and bonuses threw following us. One, you get the unending love of the idiot herself! Two, you get to pick on your grandson/great grandson."

"No." The priest said flatly.

"Too bad!" Rhia grabbed Rezo and Melyn, "Levitation!" The three floated to the surface to find, a still very disgruntled, Zelgadis.

"See Rhia! I told you Zel loves me!" Melyn pranced around the chimera. 

"Does she realize Zelgadis is tied to a tree and can't leave?" Rezo whispered 

"Let her be." Rhia grunted 

Zel spit the gag out of his mouth. "Why you little @#$*%!! Mothers $#@%*!! (See! See! I'm keeping this stories ratings down. I bet you can think of the words he's screaming.) Monkey's %*$@ a Mazoku's %#$!!" 

"My, what colorful words." Rezo sighed "I didn't raise you to say such things."

"Bite me." Zelgadis growled threw clenched teeth.

"I think they need a little bit of family counseling." Melyn whispered

"Yeah..." Rhia sighed, "Where the hell is Eris and Kopii-IIIIEEEE!" Rhia screeched as a hand came out of the ground and grasped her ankle. She struggled against the uprooting arm, but the thing was far stronger than her. "MELYN! MELYN!"

"You won't eat my buddy!" Melyn screamed and took Rezo's staff "Go back to hell! I know what your doing! I've seen 'Night of the Living Dead'!" The jingling staff beat back the, now very bloody, hand.

Muffled screams were coming from the body attached to the hand.

"It's coming threw!" Both girls began jumping on the body.

"For...the...love...of...L..!" The creature swore. "Get...off...me...!" The Undead sounded remarkably like Rezo.

Rhia stopped. "Melyn...I think this is Kopii's grave."

"Oh." Melyn got off and watched Kopii dig his way out.

"Why did you do that?!" Rezo's clone spat as he held his bloody hand close to his body.

"You're the one who attacked us!" Melyn spat back. "It was self defense!" 

Kopii swung his staff and hit Melyn in the head. "Stupid sorceress!"

Melyn swung back "Crazy, paranoid clone!"

"Grave robbing freak!"

"You were only created 'cause Eris wanted some!"

The two continued to scream lame names and beat each other with their staffs for a good five minutes. 

"Grow up!" Rhia screamed and took both staffs in one swoop. She whacked Kopii. "For the love of-!" She hit him again, "L-Sama-!" And again, "Get-!" And again, "A-!" Again, "Life!" 

Kopii fell to the ground and groaned in pain. Rhia kicked the clone in the stomach repeatedly.

Melyn yelped and ran behind the two shocked men. "Rhia!" She squeaked "We need him alive!"

"Oh yeah!" Rhia hit herself in the head. "I forgot!" She kicked him one last time and walked over to the other three. "Now we've got to find Eris!" Rhia untied Zelgadis from the tree (but not Zelgadis himself, that would be stupid on Rhia's part) and tugged him along. "Let's go!"

"Ok!" Melyn pulled a rope out of her backpack and tied an end to Kopii's ankle and pulled him along. (Visual Aid: Kopii is bloody and mangled. He had one foot in the air where a rope is tied to it and is being pulled along by a far too cheerful young girl that is skipping. She likes to go off of the beaten path (literally and figuratively), so, Kopii tends to smack into and goes over every; tree root, rock, dead animal, puddle, thorn bush, animal droppings, and whatever else there is on a forest floor.) 

Two minutes after the group started off on the search for Eris, Melyn piped up. "How about a sing-along!"

"No!" Zel and Rezo said in unison (Rezo's not dumb. He knows Rhia is dangerous. That's why he followed.)

"Come on, Rezo!" Melyn grabbed the Red Priest's arm, "Sing! I can see clearly now the rain is gone!" She sang horribly off key. "I can see all obstacles in my way!" 

"That's not funny." The blind man growled.

"Soooo sorry!" Melyn said sarcastically. "I forgot how sensitive you were to the fact that there is a DEMON in your EYES!"

Rezo's eyebrows crossed, "Well at least I don't get to see your ugly face!" he hissed (Oh yes, very mature.) 

"Hey! I'm cute!" She stormed off.

Zelgadis walked over to his kin. "In all truth, she's pretty cute. She's just...a little unhinged."

"Hey! How 'bout this song!" Melyn shouted "I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign--GAAA" Rezo leaped onto Melyn's back and hog-tied and gagged her.

"Thank you!" The entire Slayers cast cheered.

Rhia stood there dumbfounded by the cheer before she shrugged it off and moved on. The Neko-jin was still in the lead, followed by the, now untied Zelgadis (he was let go on god behavior.), then Rezo who held the humming Melyn. Kopii took up the caboose because he was still tied to Melyn's wrist.

"Rezo!" A woman burst out of the woods. Her arms were out stretched, as if to hug someone. She had a classic 'There's Something About Mary' hair going on.

Rhia tripped the crazy woman. "Hello, Eris. I'm Rhikat and this has not nor will ever be a cute 'Rezo/Eris what-a-cute-couple' fic. No, this is a 'Hey, we're the stars so don't take the limelight' fic, got it?"

"What?" Eris looked utterly confused by the cat-girl.

"Zel, do you mind dragging one more?" Rhia asked sweetly?

"No..."

"Good!" Within a minute Eris was also tied up and dragging behind with Kopii. "Let's get back to town."

The gagged Melyn was the only one to cheer.

"So," Rezo slinked up to Rhia "What will happen if I choose not to help with your 'Be-a-weenie' problem?"

"I will blackmail you until you are dead poor."

"And how will you accomplish this blackmailing?" 

Rhia held up her digital camera. "With this baby. A girls gotta get threw college somehow."

"Not if I have it!" Rezo lunged for the camera.

"Oh no you don't!" Rhia dashed into the woods. Rezo followed the sound of her voice ad tracks to maneuver around the tree's and keep up.

Rhia ducked behind a tree "NA NA NA NA BOO BOO!" Rhia taunted as if she were in kindergarten.

Rezo fumed as he took off at full speed at Rhia. Rhia barrel-rolled away from the tree just as Rezo's face hit it hard.

"I swear I'll kill you." He groaned and passed out.

"Mree-row!" Eris yelled threw the gag. IT sounded remarkably like 'Rezo'. Rhia hit her over the head with a mallet she got from hammer-space (not to be confused with 'Hammer-time...Can't touch this!)

"Wow Zel! We're the only ones conscious!" 

What about--"

"Bubber-fry!" Melyn ran around in circles as she chased after a yellow butterfly.

"--never mind." The Chimera sighed as he tied up Rezo and dragged him along too.

Rhia and Zel chatted happily on the way back to town. Rhia held a fishing pole that had a piece of candy tied to the end of it. Melyn tried to catch the sweet, much like the mule tried to catch the carrot as it pulled the cart along.

Every few minutes they would hear a loud "Thunk" signaling Melyn was trying to leap for the candy.

"So what will we do with these three?" Rhia motioned to the tied up bunch when they finally made it to the inn.

"Leave them in your room."

The Neko-jin just nodded. She was far to tired to argue. She decided to yell at him in the morning. She said her goodnight's to Zelgadis as slumped her way into her room. She tied the bad guy trio up in the corner and hit them all one last time before getting ready for bed.

"G' night, Melyn." she yawned

She got no answer.

"Melyn?" She listened for Melyn's snore.

Nothing.

"Melyn!" Rhia franticly searched the room before it dawned on her. Melyn was missing. She was lost in the Slayers Universe.

***********

Dun dun dun! Ooh! A cliffhanger! I promise to get the next chapter up quicker than this one! I promise! *The Otaku backs away slowly from a mob of loyal readers who are holding torches and pitchforks a death glare is in their eyes.* I'M SORRY!!!


	5. Naga! The big breasted wonder!

Oi! I did it again! I didn't mean to, really! I meant to type and post more! Finals just came and went (and I kinda had to study for them...). That and my mom kinda trashed chapter 5. She saw it next to my computer (and it was in a bad condition. I spilt coffee on it and crumpled it) so she threw it away. 

Oh! Before I forget, congratulate Rhia! She survived high school and is off to collage! (While I'm still stuck in hell...) And as a note: I did not, repeat, DID NOT fail. I am a year younger than my neko fiend...er...friend. Ha Ha ^.^; Freudian slip...

But...(changes subject before Rhia finds out about that last comment) now that it's summer, hopefully I'll finish this story! I promise more! 

********

Chapter 5: Naga! The big breasted wonder!

(OK, if you can't take this chapter title STOP READING! sheesh...)

********

Melyn slowly awoke. Her head hurt terribly as the sun beat on her still closed eyes. Stupid mornings had to start so dog-gone early. "Rhia." Melyn whimpered "Shut the shades..." She tried to pull the sheets over her eyes, but they were missing.

Dazed and confused, Melyn sat up and slowly let her eyes adjust to the bright light. To her amazement she found herself on a sparkling white beach, complete with the ocean! But there was not hotties running around like they so in all those movies. In fact, she was totally alone. Not even a crab walking along the beach.

"Well, this sucks." She yawned. "Now how in L's name did I get here? Last I remember, I was in Sairaag." Melyn stood up and continued to look around. "Rhia! Rhia! This isn't funny!"

The red head sighed and rubbed her temples. "Everyone's lost except me...now where in all the hells am I?" She found a road not too far away and followed it. Hey, it had to lead somewhere, and that somewhere would have food.

Melyn hummed to herself as she Skipped down that road. The skip turned into a light jog and finally into a slow depressed drag. Finally as the sun reached its peak in the sky, Melyn came to a small village. 

She dragged herself threw the town and almost collapsed as she entered a tavern. Her throat was more than a little dry.

"Excuse me," she croaked "Do you have any Coke?"

"Never heard of it." The bartender replied, his back was to her.

"How about lemonade?"

"Nope."

"Um...lessee...do you have any...orange juice?"

"Look lady, we only serve Ale."

"B...but...I'm only seventeen!" Melyn was appalled by the thought of drinking before the age of twenty-one! Ok, Melyn drank the sacramental wine at church one and well...lets just say she got a little "tipsy" during the sermon, 'nuff said.

"Why would your being seventeen have anything to do with drinks?" The bartender still didn't see her.

In a spilt second Melyn realized this was not her world and drinking ages don't exist. "Water..?" She questioned.

"Yeah, get it for ya' in a minute."

Melyn smiled and stood up. 'If it's gonna take a minute, I'll freshen up a bit!' She thought as she made her was to the mirror hanging on the opposite wall.

Her reflection showed a mess. Some time during the night her hair had fallen out of it's odangos, but her hair wasn't that messy. There was sand in it of course, she did wake up on a beach, but her hair just looked like it had more volume than snarls. Her face wasn't half-dirty either. She had to thank her lucky stars for this miracle although now she looked like someone she knew. She just couldn't put her finger on who. 

Melyn turned and took her place at the bar again. Her drink had been set at that place. "Yo! Can you tell me where I am?"

"You don't know?" The bartender chuckled and turned around. "Why you're in the peaceful town of-- LINA INVERSE!!!!" The man bellowed

"I'm in the town of Lina Inverse? Strange...why would they name a peaceful town after her?" Melyn mused.

"P...please...Miss...In...In...Inverse...Just...don't destroy our home again."

"What?" Melyn blinked, clueless on what was going on. "I'm not Lina. Why would you think I'm--" Than it hit her...no literally! It hit her! The painstaking screech from hell known as Naga the White Serpent's laugh. A shiver ran down her spine as her ears began to bleed. She once used that laugh at school, because of it Be-a-weenie suspended her for a week and she officially became one of the "naughty kids". 

Melyn slowly turned and came face-to...er...face with the one thing she feared most, Naga's well-endowed bust.

The former princess of Seiryuun stared down at her quizzically "Who are you? You're not Lina! Your chest is too big!"

Suddenly Melyn felt relived Lina was not present. "No, I'm not." She sighed and pushed the under-dressed woman out of her face.

"Well, who are you? Why do you look like Lina?"

"My name is Melyn and ya know, I'm not too sure why I look like Lina either." Melyn sipped her water and ignored the people huddling in the corner. "I do think I might get a long way without paying a dime as long as I look like her thou!"

"Lina will kill you when she finds you using her name." Naga reached over the counter and took a bottle of booze.

"I know. " Melyn waved it off. "She's gonna be pissed, but not as pissed as my buddy Rhia. I bet both of them will beat on me...Oh well."

"That's sad. Lina's like that. She is rather violent."

"Tell me about it." Melyn looked over her shoulder at the bar wench. "Yo! can I get some chicken wings over here?"

"And some onion rings!" Naga took another gulp of her alcohol. "And maybe some ribs!"

"Ooh! That sounds good." Melyn sighed dreamily at the thought of food. "Wanna come travel with me?"

"Alright." Naga smiled "I like getting off without paying and you look like a hoot." 

*******

"Alright." Rhia paced in the tavern, the Slayers cast sat in front of her only half paying attention due to the fact it was three in the morning. "Melyn is missing."

Xellos' face lit up "Really? She's gone?"

"Yes, Melyn is gone. To where? I don't know, but we have to find her." 

"Do we have to?" Xellos pleaded in almost a whiney voice. "If she comes back I might die!"

"So?" Rhia huffed "If we don't find her she's stuck in your world, think about that, what would happen to your health then? ."

Xellos thought over the pro's and con's to both sides and decided a few more weeks with Melyn was far worse than a lifetime (which would be pretty short considering how perky she usually was).

"Alright, here's the plan, we travel around and see if we here word of mouth about an insane red-head who loves to glomp bishonen, I suggest we try Femaille first."

"Why Famaille?" Sylphiel said sweetly.

"She like's hot bishonen and Famaille is pack full of 'em." Rhia laid out a map and began charting different Slayers hot-spots. "After that we should take a detour to that place Val's bad-guy lair was, Melyn is very touristy, and if we could, we should go the Golden Dragon HQ, Melyn would love to go there. Ooh! Another place is that Ancient Dragon Shrine thingy up north, I heard it's prime real estate and I want it." 

Valguav growled at the desecration of his childhood....er...first childhood home. "That place is a sacred burial ground to all the Ancient Dragons who fell when the Golden Dragons attacked."

"Yeah, but think of all the space I would have is I just cleared out all those bones! The architecture alone is worth desecrating a few measly dead lizards." 

"Measly dead lizards?!" Val screamed "Those are my people!"

"So? They're not using the land anymore." Rhia turned to Lina. "Think about it! My own personal ski resort! Where some of the fat dragons were buried under that snow, prime ski slopes!" 

"Um..." Fillia interrupted "Can...can we talk about that latter, first things first. Finding Melyn." Now, the author would like to note that Fillia could not care one way or the other on Melyn's well being. The reason she stopped Rhia was the fact that Val was going to go Nuclear.

The Ancient Dragons face was beet red in anger. He stood with his hands clenched to his sides. Steam was literally coming out of his ears. His fangs were bared and above all, His big black wings and claw-like are were both present. 

"Melyn! I forgot about her!" Rhia laughed "Let's start our search wandering the countryside."

"That is the worst plan I have ever heard." Rezo snorted. He was grumpy if you woke him up in the middle of his rem cycle. That and his hair stuck out worse than when it was brushed and every Good Samaritan priest with a demon in his head knows that image is everything.

"Yes it is, but it always works out that we just happen to run into those people. Trust me, it always works out that was. It works even better if you don't intend to run into that person."

The group sat and thought about what Rhia had just said and realized it was all true.

"Go pack your bags! Were moving out now." Rhia posed very Amelia like

"But Miss Rhia!" Amelia said "This place doesn't check out for another hour or two!"

"We go now."

"But what about paying!"

"..." Rhia glared at the young princess. "We. Go. Now."

"As a noble citizen, it is our duty to uphold justice and by doing so we don't leave without paying for..." Amelia trailed off as Rhia looked more and more annoyed. "Pay half?"

"Get packed!" Rhia pointed to the stairs leading up to the rooms. "Or else." She held up her hand and showed Amelia her long sharp claws.

"I'm going!" Amelia nearly leapt up each of the stairs. Once she got to the top she mumbled under her breath "Bitch."

******

"Naga." Melyn yawned as the two walked down the road. "Wanna play a game?"

"What kind of game? A drinking game?" The busty woman looked over at her new companion. 

"No. How about Truth or Dare?" Melyn stretched and yawned again.

"No, that game can get messy. How about we play...I Spy?"

Now, as anyone with half a brain could tell, both were extremely board. They had been traveling for almost five hours and now they were lost in a forest, somewhere between a town oddly named 'Lina Inverse' and another place the towns folk called 'Anywhere but here'.

Melyn wished she had her walkman right now. She had the song 'Get Along' stuck in her head and she couldn't think of any of the lyrics. Thus making the whole experience of having a song suck in your head just that much worse.

"Melyn." Naga stopped walking and stared up the road a few feet further. "What's that? I think it is a little kid!"

Melyn stopped walking as well and looked in the same direction Naga was. Sure enough, on the road ahead sat a small child with shoulder length black hair. The child sat on a rock, his arms were locked around his knees and it appeared as if he were crying.

"Should we see is the kid's ok?"

Melyn snickered as she finally realized who exactly this kid was. The snicker grew until Melyn clutched her mid section as tears cascaded down her face. Soon she was braying like a dying donkey (It's true, If I laugh hard enough I sound like some sort of dying animal, though I am told I sound more like a pig than a donkey). She rolled around on the dirt path and Naga didn't know if her new traveling companion was choking, dying, got possessed by a demon or was just insane.

The child looked up from his place. Melyn locked eyes with him and stopped laughing. Two different shades of green clashed and then Melyn broke into laughter again.

"Melyn, that isn't very nice." Naga sounded as if she was trying to scold, but it wouldn't work. Melyn was far too gone to coherently think anymore. All she could think about was this child crying in front of her and laughed.

********

Bad ending. Yes, I know. Oh well, too bad so sad. I really hope everyone's enjoying this, cause f you weren't I'd stop writing.

As a fun thing. I just got a scanner and as soon as I get outside help from friends (cause I'm illiterate when it comes to HTML) I will have a web site co-owed by Rhia and it will house the Chaos Saga and my fun drawings. Believe me, I draw better than I write so...

Disclaimer: Not mine, Will never be mine....that is unless I acquire a major fortune and buy out Slayers...Yes...I could do that. Then I will be viewed as a God! All nerdy type Otaku with nothing better to do will bow down at my feet and serve me all the finest grape juice (because I'm underage and can't drink yet) After that I will buy out all other anime and everyone will worship me! Melyn Tenshi! The otaku above all other Otaku! Then I will Buy out Lord of the Rings! And then Dungeons and Dragons! And then, THE WORLD!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! *Ahem* I don't own slayers...yet. 


	6. Even more people enter the scene!

Who'd have thought that I would get chapter 6 up at all? I know I didn't, I am too much of a procrastinator. Oh well, my motto is 'always put off today what you can do tomorrow' except when it comes to anime, then I'm all over it. 

In one month Rhia and I go to our first anime con!!!! *cheers* I'm gonna do cosplay and all that jazz! So...yeah...um....enjoy the story and...yeah...

Also, since I haven't seen any of my computer-geeky type friends that knows HTML and how to set up a web site, if any of you happy people in inter-land knows about websites that teach reeeaaally dumb people how to build a site, please e-mail me the page! ^.^; Thank you!!!!

*****

Chapter 6: Even more people enter the scene! 

*****

Naga ignored Melyn's obnoxious laughter (even though her laughter is much more obnoxious than Melyn's) and calmly walked over to the small boy. "Excuse me, little boy?" She lightly touched his shoulder "Are you all right?"

The boy grew teary-eyed and flung himself at Naga. He latched his arms around her middle and cried. "My mommy left me here! I am all alone and I am lost!" He began to cry harder.

"Poor thing." Naga cooed and stroked his hair. "That is so cruel of your mother."

"She's really mean to me! She favor's everyone else over me!" He wailed

Melyn pulled herself up from her place on the ground and stalked knowingly to the crying child. "Please." Melyn laughed in a mock-tone voice. She reached over and yanked him off of Naga. "Did you think you could get away with that lame performance? David Moo's a better actor."(ouch) 

"Melyn!" Naga snapped, she had no clue who this "David Moo" was, but it sounded very insulting.

"Oh come on!" Melyn smirked dangerously, "This brat's a demon!"

Both Naga and the boy stared at Melyn in shock. "How can you say something so cruel about someone so sweet!"

"Sweet?! Naga! That's Hellmaster!" Melyn pinched his cheeks and forced his face into many bizarre poses. "This is Phibrezzo! The Hellmaster!" Melyn sounded far too cheery for someone who met the master of the underworld.

"How...how did...you know?" Hell-cutie was still in full shock mode. No one (at least to the best of his abilities) knew he was Hellmaster until he reveled it to the poor, unsuspecting buffoon. 

Melyn sighed and pulled out her wallet. After a few minutes of rummaging through Hollywood Video cards and library cards and hall passes she finally came across what she was looking for and pulled out her official Slayers fan club member card (tm)which had Phibby's kawii face on it.

For the second time that day, both Naga and Phibrezzo's jaws hit the floor.

*****

Rhia cursed under her breath. As she stated in the last chapter, you would always run into the person you were least expecting. Well, she won the bet she and Lina had (in a way). She had forty dollars more, but victory was not sweet. Instead of running into Melyn, which is what they were aiming for, they instead ran into-

"Gourry! Fight me now, or surrender your honor!"

"Bow down before the evil lord Zamagustar!" 

Rhia wished she had a blunt object right now. That would at least numb the pain Zangulus and Martina were giving her. Even if she didn't know what to beat, the gruesome-twosome, or her own head. 

The neko growled as he watched them. Martina was in her usual yellow and black bikini-thing with the horny skull on her shoulder and thigh high black boots. Zangulus looked as if he was broke. He wore that natty old cloak that was ripped at the bottom, above all he wore that ugly hat. Rhia vowed that before the end of this fic, Zangulus' hat would die. The damn thing was past it's prime. Hell, she bet it's prime was during the Mazoku-Dragon wars!

"Who is that anyway?" Martina snorted as she circled Rhia. "What are you is a better question. Did you get cursed with that face or--" 

Martina didn't get to finish because Rhia snapped on the Zoana princess and jumped her. "What do you mean, born with this face?!" She screeched, teeth bared as she pinned Martina to the ground.

"Get off my wife!" Zangulus ran up to save Martina like a good husband.

Rhia turned and roared at the bounty hunter swordsman. The look upon her face was like none anyone in the group saw before. Her eyes were glowing red and her fur stuck up on end. "What were you saying?!"

"Um...What defining features! There should be more people like you in the world! Quite beautiful!" Martina thought up everything she could and kissed serious butt. "Oh! I wish I were that beautiful!"

Rhia smiled in satisfaction. She loved scarring Martina half to death. She got off the princess and smiled ""Don't forget that, cause next time I won't be as nice."

"Hey Gourry," Zangulus whispered to the other swordsman "Is she, PMSing or what?"

Rhia's eye began to twitch. "Wanna see for yourself?! FIREBALL!" 

For the first time in the this sad, pathetic excuse for a Slayers fanfic magic was used and a forest was obliterated thanks to Rhia, who finally went insane. Where the gang once stood was now a charred mess and thankfully Sylphiel cast a protection spell that protected everyone except Rhia, who was reasonably undamaged, Martina, who's hair was burning at the tips and Zangulus, who was charred as black as his surroundings, but his hat, by some miracle, was still intact.

"What's that?" Gourry called out to the swordsman. Lina leaned in and whispered to him what Zangulus was talking about. "Oh! That time of the month! Ya know, I don't think that's her problem. I think she may be like Lina and always like..." Gourry looked around and noticed everyone ran far FAR away. Lina and Rhia were both giving him looks that could stop a clock. "I said something wrong, didn't I?"

*****

"So, Phibby--"

"For the last time, don't call me that. My name is Phibrezzo." The pint size demon sighed. It seamed every thing he said went in one ear and out the other.

"Phibby, why were you crying? I thought a big bad hell-brat, such as yourself, would not cry for anything."

Phibrezzo sighed. "It was for effect."  
"Why?"

"My mother, the Lord of Nightmares, was really mad when I went and destroyed Guav and then she got even madder when I tried to set the world back to chaos. She killed me and then I had to watch all this crap go down with Guav's lackey. Finally, after months and months of hearing my pleas, Mother finally sent me back to Earth."

"So basically you whined when Slayers TRY went on and L-Sama was so pissed she finally grounded you and sent you here for punishment. Let me guess...you have no demonic teleporting powers."

"That's a way to put it." Phibrezzo groaned. "But I can still kill annoying young girls who can't say my name right." Phibrezzo smiled wickedly and held up a yellow marble. "Tell me, Melyn. Do you know what this does?"

Melyn snatched it away from him. "This is my life orb thingy isn't it!"

"Yes." Phibrezzo was shocked at her speed. He didn't even see her take it away from him.

"If I have this and you don't, does that make me immortal?"

"Yes..."

"Cool!" Melyn smiled brightly and stuffed her life orb into her pocket. "Hey Phibby, I just thought of a great song! I'm gonna live forever!" Melyn sung horribly off key, even though she is a choir girl. Naga soon joined in the singing, leaving poor Phibrezzo screaming in anguish.

The group stopped walking as a loud explosion crashed though the forest. Smoke rose up from the trees where the explosion took place. 

"That's where Rhia is!" Melyn squealed and ran off in that direction, Phibrezzo and Naga were right behind her.

********

Uh, another bad chapter. I am sorry. I do promise better chapters later. I have the rest mostly written up so it won't be as wishy-washy as the past two chapters.

Again, thanks for all you loyal readers patience as I type this up. I am far too lazy. *sigh* Well, I'm gonna start typing chapter 7!

Disclaimer: yeah, you people know the drill. Not mine.


	7. What is a Verdrix?!?!

WEEEEE! It's chapter um...7! Yeah, it's chapter seven! *runs in circles* Wow am I ever hyper. Today I started checking out collages, so that was fun. I also got a new manga today! *ooh's and ahh's at her new manga* I just realized I am rambling on and on and--OOF!

*Rhia kicks Melyn's unconscious form aside and takes the stage.* Sorry about that. Now that she shut up, here's chapter 7.

******

Chapter seven: What is a Verdrix?!?!

******

Melyn dashed threw the woods, by some miracle she did not hit one tree or large branch. Phibrezzo and Naga were another story...

"Rhia!!!" Melyn cried out. She smiled brightly. Soon she would be with her partner and not be the brains of the operation, which Naga appointed as her position in the group. She also decided it best not to let the Hellmaster do the thinking. Who knows where they would end up with him leading.

"Melyn!" Naga called out from behind. She continued to talk but Melyn couldn't hear her.

"What!" Melyn looked over her shoulder. For some reason they were flailing their arms and screaming. "What?! I can't hear--" Melyn was cut off by a loud explosion. It took a split second for her to realize _she _was the 'thing' that blew up.

The smoke and the fire slowly disintegrated and Melyn fell to her knees. She coughed up a smoke ball "ow..."

Naga and Phibrezzo caught up with her. Naga draped her cape over Melyn. "I told you there was a bomb up ahead. This is a bandits forest and this is where their hide out is."

"How did you know that?" Melyn was gray and ashy from the explosion and looked down-right pathetic.

"We passed a sigh that stated, 'Forest bandits lair. Go back now. Under ground bombs'." 

"Oh." Melyn stood up and let Naga's cape fall off her. she looked down at her clothing and grimaced. They were now charred and holey. "Ick."

"Do you have a change of clothing?" Naga stared in amazement at Melyn's hair, which survived the explosion and stayed in the perfect odango buns'.

"No, my bag is with Rhia." This really wasn't what she wanted right now. She hated wearing dirty clothing. Charred, holey clothing was much worse. "Can I borrow an outfit." She looked at Phibrezzo with her biggest puppy eyes.

"Uh..." Phibrezzo stepped back. Doe eyes were sickening

"Pawwweeeezzze" Melyn batted her eyes and pouted.

"I have only one outfit." Phibrezzo paled and looked as if he were going to pass out. "Please stop that sugary look...it hurts..." Phibrezzo held onto a tree for support. 

"You can have one of mine." Naga offered. 

Melyn was thankful someone was generous, but actually wearing one of Naga's outfits was...wrong on so many levels. She knew if her parents ever figured out she wore something like that she would be killed! Or worse, her parents could take away all her anime! "Fine." Melyn sighed and prayed she would find Rhia (or her backpack) fast.

******

Rhia turned as she heard another loud explosion. This was far smaller that the one she used to punish Zangulus, but it was still quite big. 

"What was that?" Amelia whimpered.

"It looks as if we ventured into a bandits forest." Lina laughed maniacally as she knew she would once again stalk up her purse. 

Rhia too began to laugh. Money was nice. Bandits had money. There's her collage payments and then some!

Rhia and Lina both ran at full speeds into the forest, the rest of the group followed at a safe distance. Everyone was now terrified by the sorceress and the Neko-jin and they did not want to get anywhere close to two women about to destroy for money. 

*******

Melyn groaned and tried to cover herself. She hated dressing in a swimsuit. This was so much worse she couldn't put it into words.

"Why so glum?" Phibrezzo smiled wickedly. He must have been feasting on the negative emotions Melyn was oozing. "Is that outfit too reveling?" He laughed. "I think you look good." The pint size demon put his arm around Melyn's middle and smiled.

"HENTI!" Melyn pulled a mallet out and bashed the kid on the head. Fang were bared as Melyn began to throttle his little neck. "Henti! Henti! Henti!"

After struggling for a minute Phibrezzo finally escaped Melyn. He was breathing hard, due to the lack of oxygen "Is that all you've got?" He mocked

"Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows; buried in the flow of time; in Thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness! Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"

"Eep.."

"DRAGON SLAVE!" Melyn was really really pissed, as anyone could plainly see. She let the spell go in Phibrezzo's direction as Naga headed for the hills.

The loudest explosion of the day slowly subsided and Phibrezzo was charred and it looked as if her were in extreme pain. Melyn smiled in triumph and began to walk away. "That'll teach you to put your hands on my body." She snorted.

*****

This really sucked. Rhia decided that the world was out to get her.

They had found the bandit hideout with ease. But it turned out this particular gang had disbanded and all that was left was a run down building covered in moss and plants. They left nothing behind. There wasn't even furniture or trash.

Lina screamed and kicked the wall. It appeared they would be going hungry here soon and a hungry Lina is bad. A mad Lina, which comes out when Lina gets hungry is even worse.

"Should we stay the night here? It is free." Sylphiel asked sweetly. "It's not that bad and it is dry."

Lina glared.

"It's free." The timid girl smiled.

*****

The afternoon sun was slowly sinking into evening as the trio came upon an old abandoned bandit hideout. Melyn silently stated in her head this was where she would spend the night, with or without Naga and the perv.

The front door opened and the trio stepped back a bit and soon realized that it was Rhikat who emerged. Melyn's eyes swelled with tears and she lunged at her bestest buddy. "RHIAAAAA!" She leapt onto her friend, tackling both of them to the ground.

"Melyn?" Rhia was in a daze (because she fell back and hit her head on a small rock)

"Melyn cried and hugged her friend. "He is so mean! He tried to feel me up and he tried to kill me and he tried to eat my cracker!"

"What are you talking about?" Rhia noticed Melyn's cape was a different shape of black than she remembered. "Melyn? Did you change cloths?"

"Mine blew up so I had to borrow some."

"From who?"

Melyn gestured towards Naga and Phibrezzo. "Her." 

Rhia's jaw dropped. By some random chance Melyn ran into the two most unlikely people." You borrowed cloths from NAGA?!" 

"I had to." Melyn whined and sat back.

"What's going on out he...he...he..." Zelgadis walked outside out the shelter to find Melyn. "OH GODS NOT YOU!" He screamed.

Melyn stood up. "Rhia, where's my backpack?"

"Inside, next to mine."

Melyn skipped inside, happily humming to herself. A loud shriek of terror followed her entering and Rezo, Kopii, Val and Xellos ran out screaming "Not her again!"

*****

Every thing seemed to have settled down a bit in the past hour. Naga and Lina caught up on what had happened to them in the past. Amelia was thrilled to see her older sister. Gourry and Zangulus talked about swords and stuff (they didn't fight because of the look Martina and Lina gave and thought it wise to fight after they went to bed). Martina talked to the ugly head thing she worshipped, trying to ignore Phibrezzo. Xellos and Phibrezzo talked about demon stuff. Zelgadis was in a deep blue funk. Eris tried to cuddle with Rezo, who was not to happy and blushing many shades of red due to the fact Kopii was laughing at him (remember Kopii hates Eris ad Rezo but laughing seemed like fun at the moment. It made Rezo uneasy). Fillia polished Mace-Sama as she glared at Xellos and Valguav sat away from the group, playing with his Slayers action figures. 

No one knew where Melyn ran off to. After getting out of Naga's bikini she called cloths, Melyn ran of merrily holding something in her arms. No one really cared though. In fact all the guys Melyn had glomped as of yet hoped she would be eaten by a bear.

The peace was shattered as Melyn screamed and dashed out of the forest. "Run! For all the love of L-Sama, run!"

The Slayers stared blankly at Melyn. Rhia finally stopped her. "What did you do?"

"Um..." Melyn glanced at the woods "I um...found one of Rezo's spell books in his pajama's. Which are really cute by the way! His PJ's are red and have little hearts all over the pants and--"

"I don't care what Rezo sleeps in!" Rhia shook Melyn "What did you find?!"

Melyn held up a crimson book entitled 'Chimera's like mama use to make' "I got board."

"What did you do?" Rhia began to panic. 

"Playing God..."

There was a spooky silence until Amelia squealed. "Oh how cute!"

The group turned to see a small pink bunny hop out of the woods. Melyn screamed and broke out of Rhia's hold "I...It's a...a...Verdrix!" She scrambled up a tree and clutched to a branch. "Keep it away!"

The group sweat dropped. Rhia sighed as she watched it sniff the air. "Melyn it's a rabb--" Rhia turned and say Rezo and Kopii sitting along side of Melyn.

"If you were smart, you'd run!" Rezo called out.

"But is looks so cute!" Amelia smiled

"What it looks like is dinner." Lina licked her lips and pulled out a fork and knife.

The 'Verdrix' sniffed the air in such a cute manner everyone 'awwed' in unison. "Melyn, How can that be dangerous." Lina sighed 

"It could be like Melyn. A demon said that once about her. The demon asked how something as cute as her could be dangerous..." Rhia trailed off as she sunk deeper and deeper into her memories. "Good times."

"Hello Mr. Fluffy Bunny!" Amelia and Sylphiel knelt down by it.

The rabbit looked at the two priestesses then bared a set of sharp looking teeth.

"What the hell?!" Amelia screamed as both girls jumped back in fright.

"I said it's a Verdrix! Half rabbit! Half piranha!" Melyn called to the group as she began to cry. 

"Oh crap!" The group still remaining on the ground dashed up trees.

"Fire ball!" Lina screamed and shot the spell at Melyn's demonic rabbit from hell.

The spell bounced off the Verdrix like a paper ball wound. The spell instead hit the bandit hut and destroyed their shelter.

Melyn cried harder. "Making it immune to magic sounded like a good idea as the time! I swear!"

The Verdrix began to gnaw on the tree Rezo, Rhia, Melyn, Zelgadis and Kopii were in. Rhia sighed in relief as she watched this. "It's vegetarian!"

"I think it's trying to knock the tree over so it can mutilate our flesh and eat our intestines!" Melyn cried out loud enough to shatter all hope of surviving.

"Throw it Zelgadis!" Rezo screamed "Give him My grandson/great-grandson!"

"I knew you were out to get me!" Zelgadis snarled.

"Throw the stone man!" Kopii yelled

"Is everyone against me?"

"Yes." Melyn didn't think twice as she pushed him out of the tree.

When Zel hit the ground the Verdrix lost interest in the tree and attacked Zel's arm.

Zelgadis howled and tried to shake off the pink fluff of evil. 

"Kill it!" Fillia screamed.

"It's eating me!" Zel cried out. Tears ran down his face and the entire cast sweat dropped including the rabbit. The whole 'I'm not scared of anything so I'll be mean' demeanor Zelgadis was known for shattered and everyone lost confidence in his calm cool ways. 

"Zel, your made out of stone. It's not eating you." Lina felt really dumb telling him this. Even Gourry got what Rezo was doing.

Zelgadis stopped crying to see the Verdrix still attached to his arm, but it only shred his clothing. He smiled sheepishly and pulled out his sword.

*****

The fire crackled as the Verdrix roasted over it. The smell was absolutely delicious.

Amelia smiled and sat next to Zelgadis. "Are you all right?" She touched his arm where the monster bit him.

"I'm ok." He smiled lightly as she stood and walked away. "Only thing that's hurt is my pride."

Melyn bounced over to the cooking Chimera. "Can you smell what the rock is cooking?" She did a poor imitation of the WWF's The Rock.

"Shut up." Zel groaned as he put seasonings on. "No more jokes about how I look, all right."

Melyn stared at him for a long minute, then spoke up "Dude, are you, like, stoned?"

"STOP!" Zel roared.

Phibrezzo smiled wickedly. "I like her, Xellos. She's very chaotic."

Xellos smiled. "I know. But she's so happy-go-lucky she could kill one of us."

"So why don't we get the best of both worlds. If she's mad she will still be chaotic, but less dangerous." Phibrezzo looked as if he were plotting. "When I was in the woods earlier with Melyn she mentioned she hated one thing. She doesn't like big stupid things." Phibrezzo's smile widened.

"If she doesn't like big stupid thing than why is she friends with Gourry."

"Not that kind of big and stupid!" Phibrezzo sometimes couldn't stand Xellos' mockery. "What we need to give her is something cruel...unusual...ugly..."

"Guav!" Xellos said brightly. Of course Melyn would be scared of Guav! Anything that looked and smelled like him was scary.

"The guy really sucks, but hey! Think of our feast! Both will annoy each other to no end and Val will hate Melyn more for hating his beloved master." Phibrezzo snickered.

"Melyn could kill Guav."

"Than that poor excuse for a mazoku-lacky will kill Melyn!" 

"You're a genius." Xellos smiled. "But how do we resurrect the Chaos dragon?"

"Easy." Phibrezzo pulled out one of Rezo's spell books. "There's a spell in here. We do this when they all fall asleep."

******

Ooh! What will happen next? Dun dun dun. Hehe. I'm having so much fun with this story! Just wait and see what happens next! Thank you peoples for those reviews! They really make my day brighter. It also gives me a chance to tell my parents my anime skills do make a difference (even if they still don't believe me.)

About the Verdrix. My brother, D. M. is the one that found it. D. M. plays with magic cards and every blue moon he will give me one. The last one he gave me was a Verdrix. It said it was half rabbit half piranha and it was really dangerous. The wheels in my head began to turn and this chapter was the result.

Disclaimer: Does anyone really read these? Is there a government agency that really goes to all different sites and really makes sure there is a disclaimer? I do hope people realize I am a nerd that likes to read stories people read and I write my own for the enjoyment of others, as well as myself of course. Who in their right state of mind would actually believe I, a seventeen year old super nerd, would actually own Slayers? I do believe the people that write Slayers and other such anime/TV/stories/ yada yada yada would publish it and sell it for a good sum of money and make a profit. I am not making a profit. So this is my ranting disclaimer. Thank you for your time and patience, government agency. I hope this disclaimer is a nice change from the normal ones, and I was wondering if it were possible for me to get a job reading fanfiction and making sure there is one of these babies on every one. If so, how much would I be paid and when can I start? 


	8. Guav’s Resurrection

Yippy! Ooh, this is getting really fun! Mazoku Lords are now showing up. Hehe. Well, at this moment in time Rhia is out of town (and away from a computer to the best of my knowledge) so I can now write stuff about her and not fear for my safety for at least a week. 

Again, enjoy the story, sit back, relax, review. ^.^

******

Chapter 8: Guav's resurrection 

******

It seemed as if L-Sama had a sense of humor after all. The group decided to take a day off from traveling to relax so they stayed in the clearing where the bandit hideout once stood. 

For Xellos and Phibrezzo the day of rest was perfect for making plans for that night. But plan making didn't take as long as they hoped and in an hour they had everything they needed and the time they would leave worked out, plus they found a spot far enough away from the camp to do it where no one would hear. (They tested out hearing ranges by saying bad things about Fillia. If Xellos had an encounter with Mace-Sama they needed to go back farther.)

For the rest of the gang, they day was uneventful and useless. But they enjoyed it none the less. Lina, Amelia, Naga, Martina, Eris and Rhia found this to be a great time to work on their tans. Rezo tried with all his might to teach Gourry a simple lighting spell, he figured if he could do this he would be the greatest magic user ever. Kopii saw what Rezo was doing and tried to outdo him by teaching Zangulus how to do a fireball. Both weren't getting very far. Fillia was happily reading a trashy romance novel Melyn lent her, well she tried to read the trashy romance novel Melyn gave her in-between her frequent Xellos beating.

Val sat in a corner and laughed to himself as he played with his Slayers Action figures. His voice went high as he picked up his Lina figure. "Oh no! It's Valguav-sama! Whatever will we do? He's far too powerful for us!"

Val's voice dropped lower than his actual voice as he picked up the Gourry doll. "As your protector I will save you!" The Gourry doll charged at the Val doll. "Oh no! Valguav-sama stabbed me! Eeeaaahh!" Val dropped the Gourry doll to the ground, indicating Gourry was now dead. 

"I will save you!" Val now impersonated Zelgadis "I have my super chimera powers! you can't hurt rock!"

"Oh yeah!" Val imitated himself. "I think you underestimate me! Ha! we stand next to a lake and when I hit you with a powerful spell you will sink and drowned! Bwahahahahaha!" The Val doll head-butted the Zel doll sending the Zel doll flying back.

"Oh no! I have fallen to! Amelia I am sorry my love. Blub blub blub."

"Mr. Zelgadis!" Val's voice went high again.

"Ha! I am the only Slayers guy that is worth anything left alive!" Val did a poor imitation on Xellos

"You forgot about me!" Val doll head-butted the Xellos doll. "Now I am the only Slayers guy alive!"

"Oh Val! Your so strong and manly! Who needs the other guys when we have you!" Val picked up the Amelia and Lina dolls. "We want to be with you! Forget about the other guys!"

"Yes, I am the manliest man around aren't I!" Val laughed "Come on girls! Lets go back to my..." Val stopped playing and looked over his shoulder to see the entire Slayers cast gapping at him in horror.

"Umm...." Val blushed a brilliant shade of red and put down his toys.

"Valguav!" Fillia snapped and grabbed her adopted son by the ear and dragged him off. "To hear such things coming from my own son's mouth! This is Xellos' and that Guav's fault!"

"Mom!!!" Val pleaded trying to escape Fillia's death hold on his aching ear.

"None of that! I am going to wash your mouth out with soap!"

The Slayers cast withheld snickers until Fillia and Val left the area then they all fell over laughing.

" I wish I had my camera!" Rhia gasped out between giggles. 

"I had one!" Melyn leapt out of a tree and held up the camcorder. "See! I got everything! Even when Fi-chan dragged him off!" She was smiling brightly as she handed the camera over to Rhia. "I'll be right back!" 

"Where are you going..." Rhia trailed off as she saw Melyn sit down on the ground. 

Melyn pulled out a doll version of herself and began to play. Her voice dropped a few octaves as she picked up the Xellos doll. "Oh mighty master Melyn, how may we, your bishonen serve you?"

Melyn giggled "Oh, I don't know...Do my home work, Zelgadis! Gourry! Rub my feet! Xellos...um...you can...do my laundry! Val! Clean my room! Rezo and Kopii can arrange my magic books and comics! Zangulus can guard my room from intruders!" Melyn squealed and hugged one of the toys. "Val has a Jiras plushy!" Melyn hugged the fox toy. It was apparent Val was not going to get his stuffed animal back. 

Night finally came and the Slayers gang settled in for the night. Melyn was happily snoozing with the Jiras plushy in her arms. Rhia was also asleep with a plushy of her favorite anime character, a guy named Hotohori (he's from Fushigi Yugi). The rest of the cast slept peacefully as well, except for Val who was tossing and turning due to the loss of his beloved fox plushy.

Xellos and Phibrezzo stayed awake and sat in a nearby tree. Once they were sure everyone was asleep they quietly left their hiding spot and crept to the spot they had chosen earlier.

"Phibrezzo-sama?" A question nagged at the Mazoku's mind for the past day and a half. "How are you here? Didn't the Lord of Nightmares kill you?"

"I don't want to answer that." Phibrezzo mumbled under his breath.

"So your grounded, huh? Too bad." Xellos snickered.

"Shut up." Phibrezzo stalked away from Xellos. The two quickly came to the clearing. Phibrezzo scanned the book, looking for the page he knew he should have book marked or at least dog-eared. 

"So what do we do?" Xellos read over the smaller demons shoulder. 

Phibrezzo smiled and faced the other Mazoku. "Would you mind doing this spell?" 

"Uh...all right..." Xellos took the book from the other demon like it was going to bite him. He scanned the page quickly. "Why do you want me to do this..."Xellos sweat dropped as he noticed Phibrezzo had skipped out on him.

"Do the damn spell!" Phibrezzo yelled from a distance.

Xellos sighed and began to read the page out loud. " Spell of Life. To do this spell you must have a clear mind blah blah blah..." Xellos scanned the introduction. "You will need several Magical items...first a...costume? Phibrezzo! What kind of spell is this!" Xellos barked

"Do it or else!"

Xellos sighed and continued to read. Threats from creatures more powerful than himself were not things to be messed with. "With this costume you will need to...sing with movements of arms and legs! Phibrezzo!"

"I am holding your life orb right now! I am applying pressure to the life orb with my thumb and pointer finger. I am squeezing harder and harder by the second!"

"Alright. I'll do it." Xellos sighed in defeat. "Where's the costume and what's the song?" Out of no where in particular a purple costume and a sheet of music fell in front of the purple haired Mazoku. "Thanks a lot oh mighty Hell brat Phibby." Xellos murmured under his breath.

"I heard that!" Phibrezzo said in a sing-song voice.

Xellos grumbled as he got into the costume. Sure he dressed up in costume before, but then there were others being humiliated with him and the costume from before was nothing like the one he was wearing now. In fact, he would have taken the fish costume over this any day.

"What are you waiting for!" Phibrezzo hissed. Xellos had been stalling for over an hour.

Xellos held up the sheet of music and felt like crying. The author would pay for this, he would see to that. Xellos already felt woozy wearing the idiotic evil costume that was Barney the stupid American dinosaur that entertained mindless toddlers. The music was far worse. 

*Due to the hatred of the song Xellos is singing Melyn the Otaku decided it best for her health as well as for the ratings to not type the song because that is wrong on so many levels. You can make up lyrics yourself, if you wish.*

Xellos groaned and dropped the paper. It was done and he felt like he just ate some of his own cooking. If it wasn't bad enough a small child leapt out of the woods and tackle-hugged him.

"Barney!" She cried out happily as she clutched to one leg. "I love you so much!" Yes, this child was a member of the evil pink haired brats of anime club. (the other member of this club is Chibi-usa from Sailor Moon )

Xellos sounded as if he were choking on his own tongue as he fell over in convulsions. After a few minutes of mindless twitching he finally let the darkness take over. It was a sweet refuge from the sugary sweet childling name Kira (appearance in episode 10 Slayers Next)

Phibrezzo had long since run away as a big...really really big figure stepped out of the darkness, totally unaware what had just happened and why he was there.

The new guy smiled wickedly as he plotted his revenge on one, Lina Inverse...and Phibrezzo, ok, maybe Xellos to. Well...come to think of it he also wanted to get the traveling companions of Lina's. Especially that teal haired girl Margarita? No that wasn't it. Gaaa! he couldn't remember her name!...Martina! Yeah! Martina...

For the remainder of the night the guy in the trench coat sat on a stump and tried to remember the rest of the cast he wanted to kill.

Rhia yawned and sat up. That day off was so nice, they really had to do it again sometime.

"Good morning!" Melyn smiled happily as she still hugged the Jiras plushy. "Where will we be heading next?"

Rhia pulled the map out of her backpack. "Well, from the look of things, we are right next to Famille"(you know, the town where men can't enter. Only women...snicker snicker)

Zelgadis spit out all his coffee upon hearing this.

"Ooh! Fun! Can we go there?" Melyn's eyes were all starry for some reason. "Please!"

Rhia sighed as she rolled up the map and stuffed it back into her backpack.. "All right. Just don't brake anything when we get there."

"Yatta!" Melyn jumped up and did a happy dance. She stopped suddenly and looked around. "Where's Xellos?" 

"He wasn't here when we woke-up. I say good riddance." Fillia snorted as she took another sip of tea. "Now we will have peace and quiet."

Melyn sadly sighed. "I miss Xelly." She whined. "I'm going to look for him. He couldn't have gone far."

Rhia sighed. Melyn really was a baka. Didn't she remember Xellos could move onto the astral plane? Rhia decided not to tell her this. Looking for Xellos would keep her entertained for at least an hour.

Rhia stood up and began to shove her sleeping bag in her backpack with great ease. She sat next to Zelgadis, who wasn't moving (probably do to the fact he hear 'Famille' and 'going there' in the same sentence. (((,O) hehe, Zel) Rhia sipped at the cup of coffee Fillia gave her and she finally thought she would have a nice breakfast.

"RRRRHHIIIAAAAA!!!!!" Melyn screeched as she launched herself out of the woods and behind Zelgadis. She was pale and shaking.

"Melyn?" Rhia put a hand on her friends back. "What happened?"

"I'm scared I'm scared..." She murmured over and over not looking away from the spot she just left. 

"Melyn?"

Melyn was now crying. "It's him! I don't like him! Save me!"

"Who are you talking--"

"Guav-Sama!" The group heard Val cry out gleefully. 

"Melyn. Your scared of Guav?" Rhia felt like laughing. Melyn wasn't scared of the more powerful Mazoku, Phibrezzo but was petrified of the big ugly Guav.

Melyn nodded and clutched to Zelgadis. "Make him go away!" She howled

"It will be alright." Rhia smiled. "What will make you less scared of Guav?"

"Well...if he were cuter I wouldn't be scared." Melyn sobbed "But that's impossible! There's no way to make that any cuter!"

"How about we make fun of him. If we poke fun at him will you feel better?"

Melyn nodded, but refused to et go of Zel. "Can we bring him to Famille?"

"Yes, of course we can! But next chapter all right?" 

Again, Melyn nodded.

******

^.^; I'm scared of Guav. It's pathetic I know. But wouldn't you pee your pants if you ever saw Big-n-Scary walking down your street? That's what I thought! Ha! We're all pansies in this together! Well next chapter I'll hopefully get over this fear. My therapist, Heero Yuy, tells me I need to face my fears to overcome them. I guess he's right. (even if my therapist has more issues than I do).

School starts up again soon. *sob sob* And my final goal of summer is to finish this story before I've got to go back to school (and face Be-a-Weenie when he finds out what I'm doing...when that happens kiss the end of this story goodbye)

Until next time! Ja Ne!

Disclaimer: Ditto. 


	9. Dude look like a lady!

*hacks and coughs* Hello and welcome to chapter nine. Allergies suck, that's all I have to say.

Well on Friday Rhia and I will be going to our first anime con!!! AnimeIowa! Woo! (yes, it is in Iowa. Do you have a problem with that?)

This chapter took awhile. I don't know why, I guess I just got lazy again. *Sigh* I worked on other upcoming chapters, but this one was hard. 

I also had a lot of work to do this week. *mumbles under breath* stupid volunteers. I had done some good old fashion community service (and I have done this kind for a good four or five years). Well, the people in charge treated me like an amateur and made me clean the room. (Then I turned around and taught some of the people working how to use the cash register. I got more work done than everyone I worked under. Then I got sick. *sigh* Enough ranting, Chapter 9!!!

*****

Dude look like a lady!

*****

Everyone (except Phibrezzo and Xellos) gasped as the gigantic man named Guav casually stepped out of the woods. His sword was slung over his shoulder and he wore his usual attire, a red trench coat. Around his leg Val clung and smiled happily.

Melyn screeched as she saw him and gripped to the closest thing she could wrap her arms around, which happened to be Zelgadis' neck. "Rhia!" Melyn held onto the poor chimera tighter. "Make him go away!"

Guav smiled in satisfaction. Apparently that was the reaction he wanted from the rest of the cast.

The spooky silence that fell over the group was broken by Xellos and Phibrezzo's snickering.

Guav shot them a look. Other cast members began to laugh as well. The big bad demon dragon looked down to see Val still clinging and greatly resembling a kitten, that or Melyn. (=^.^=)

"Valguav," Guav sighed and rubbed his temples. "Get off. This is embarrassing."

Melyn looked up to see what was happening and she too began to laugh. She released poor Zelgadis.(who had long since passed out due to lack of oxygen.)"Val's so cute!" She cooed.

Val reluctantly got off his masters leg. He looked up at Guav and smiled brightly. "Guav-sama! I missed you so much! I--"

Fillia grabbed Val by the neck and pulled her son away from Guav in an overly protective mother embrace. "I won't you near my baby!" She yelled. "My sweet little Val is not you minion anymore!" She dragged her adopted son away.

"Aw, Mom!" Val whined as he struggled to get away. "Stop it! I can take care of myself! I'm a big boy now!" 

Xellos and Phibrezzo fell over laughing. "Yeah Fillia-mama! Val's a big boy! He uses pull ups!"

Val flushed bright red. "Shut up!"

As this was going on Rhia slinked her way over to Guav. "So..." She looked him up and down and finally asked that one question every Slayers fan has wanted to know. "Why such a big sword? Are you compensating for something?"

Guav's eyes went as big as dinner plates "Wh...what?!"

Rhia continued. "Really, you can barely hold onto that big thing. And with the way you hold it over your shoulder. You want the world to think your big and bad. I bet your really a puppy inside!" She poked him in the stomach and Guav passed the Pillsbury Doughboy test. (He went 'Who who')

"What are you?" Guav stood there dumbfounded anyone would think such things of him.

"Me?" Rhia pointed to herself and batted her eyes. "I am just a simple Neko-jin out to get all your money that also passed her psychology course. I think Freud would love to see you! There are so many symbols that say you feel incompetent!"

"Leave me alone!" Guav howled.

"That doesn't work." Val screamed from his place next to Fillia. Somehow the dragon maiden put a bonnet and bib on her 'Baby Val'. Now she tried to give him his 'Baa baa' Val forced her hand away. "Screaming at them won't make them leave! I've tried to, but they never give me a moments res--" Fillia finally succeeded and the Baa baa was in Val's mouth. He looked like he would kill something.

Guav sweat dropped and looked back to where Rhia was. The neko-jin had moved next to Melyn and the two were whispering secrets to each other. "Uh oh..."

The chaos demon dragon did not know much about these two, but he knew this was probably a bad thing and he would be paying for whatever they were talking about.

Rhia smiled and walked back to him. "We decided you're coming to Famille with us!" Her voice was far too sugary sweet.

"And if I say I'm not going?"

"This!" Rhia handed him a picture.

His eyes grew wider than they were before. "H...How did you...get this?!"

"We have connections." Rhia smiled evilly "Will you come or do I have to give that to Beast Master-sama?"

Phibrezzo's ears perked up at the mention of the other mazoku lord's name. "What is this?"

Melyn smiled and handed him the same picture. "You're coming too!"

Phibrezzo's jaw hit the floor. "Oh L! Not that! You wouldn't be that evil to give this away!" He looked over at Melyn. "Oh wait...Yes you are." Phibrezzo sighed in defeat and nodded.

*****

"I can't believe we are actually following them." Guav snarled.

"It's better than the world seeing tat picture." Phibrezzo sighed. "I would kill them, but they took the life orbs from me."

"Damn."

Rhia stopped walking and turned around. "We are right outside the gates of Famille. There is a transportation system from here to Seryuun. We heard there is a map at Seryuun that shows the way to Wolf Pack Island."

"Xellos forgot how to get there!" Melyn chirped.

"I didn't forget!" Xellos fumed. "I always went there by traveling threw the astral plane." 

"Either way we need to get to Seryuun. We need that map." Rhia sighed and got back on track. "Well as we all know Famille is a land where men aren't allowed. As Zelgadis, Xellos and Gourry have probably figured out, we need you guys to dress up as women."

"No." Phibrezzo said flatly.

Melyn held up the picture. "I'll give it to Dynast!" 

*****

"I hate you." Phibrezzo growled as Melyn fixed the bow in the back of his dress. The mini Mazoku wore a pretty violet dress with poofy sleeves that it frilled out at the middle and reached just below his knees. He also wore a pair of white tights and a pair of black Mary Jane shoes (you know, the black shoes little girls wear that buckle).

Melyn took out her hairbrush and brushed out Phibrezzo's hair. She put a violet ribbon as a final touch. "You look so adorable!" Melyn sighed and smiled as she finished.

Lina worked on Gourry and put him in the pink dress he normally wore when he was forced to cross-dress. She put his hair up like Sailor Moon's. The sorceress struggled to put on the blond swordsman's makeup, but he finally gave in and Lina was just applying his lipstick.

Amelia worked on Zelgadis. He was forced to wear the same outfit he wore last time as well. This was the same for Xellos who, strangely enough didn't even protest a little as he was put into the Chinese red dress. In fact, he looked HAPPY to be in the dress.

Martina worked on her husband, who's outfit bore a great resemblance to Marilyn Monroe's white dress she was famous in. His hair was down and his hat was packed away in Melyn's bag-o-wonder. 

Naga and Eris worked on Kopii and Rezo. Both were put into identical school uniforms that looked like they were taken out of Sailor Moon.

Sylphiel was chosen to work on Val. She put him in a light blue sundress that went to his knees and a straw hat. 

"I swear I will KILL you!" Guav half-ran out of the woods. Rhia followed close behind him with a makeup case. The Chaos Dragon was wearing he most ridiculous outfit. He wore a pair of thigh high leather boots a white tank top and a hot pink mini skirt.

"Come back here! I'm not done!" Rhia yelled as she held the lipstick in one hand and the mascara in the other. "I wanna make you pretty!"

"I hope you die a slow painful death!" Guav hissed. Despite the laughter from the Slayers cast he still looked creepy (and like he belonged in a drag show).

"I will give you the picture if you do this." Rhia waved the photograph in front of his face. Guav sighed in defeat and Rhia wrapped a hot pink boa around his neck. (Melyn the Otaku watches as readers gouge their own eyeballs out with a fork.)

"Guav-sama," Val tried to comfort his master. "It can't get much worse."

Melyn bounced up to the front of the group. "Now, we can't call everyone by their actual names." She looked over at, well, all the men. "So I have created a list of girls names for you! We only keep these until we get to Seryuun." She held up a piece of paper. "Now to start off with; Gourry, you will be called Greta. Zelgadis you will be called Zelda. Xellos will be called Mary. Valguav will be Valerie. Rezo will be Molly. Kopii will be Polly. Zangulus will be Faye. Phibrezzo will be Penelope. And Guav will be Coco."

"Coco?!" Guav yelled. "Why Coco?!"

Melyn looked hurt. "Because you look like a Coco!"

Rhia smiled. "Well, lets go to Famille!"

*****

*Smiles* Hehe, Guav looks like he belongs in Jerry Springer. Sorry all you Guav fans, but you have to admit it is a funny mental image. Him throttling my neck...Oh wait...That's not a good mental image!!!

I actually finished writing this two days ago, but I didn't post it because my stupid internet isn't working. *Melyn picks up monitor and throws it out the window. * I feel better.

Disclaimer: Not mine, but the boa Guav is dancing in is. *Camera pans over to Guav.*

Guav:*Singing and dancing* YMCA! 

Melyn: Err...sorry about that...*Beats head on a wooden board.* 


	10. No man's land

School started for me on Tuesday. I'm glad the population in my school is so large. the actual Mr. Beagini (Be-a-weenie) hasn't found me yet! Either that or he has no clue I write bad stuff about him on FF.net .

I started a lot of interesting and hard classes so I don't have time to write much in class!! I know all you readers wished I would right Melee in class but, I need to graduate in the spring so I really should pay attention in class and get good grades.

But I will write while I'm at work! So don't think I'm gonna abandon this fic! (Of course, writing at work could get me fired...)

Anyway, on to the next chapter!!!

*****

No man's land

*****

Famille was bustling this time of the year, or so it seemed. Lots of young woman were standing in lines and appeared to be checking into a shrine school or something to that effect. One by one each girl was brought into the building. When they exited they were blushing like mad or they were dragged away by the female guards.

It seemed security skyrocketed since they had last been here. Whoever checked into the town to be a priestess was now checked to see if they were a man or not.

The Queen could not be blamed though for the public male executions. It was made perfectly clear that the number one rule of Famille was 'NO MEN'.

On the last visit to this Amazonian town it turned out the majority of the population was young men hoping to get action in a town of women. 

After some checking around it was found that after the last encounter (which ended with everyone running away like chickens with their heads cut off) all the males that were caught were killed by the means of slow horrible deaths with rusty spears and other out-of-date, past-their-prime weaponry. Either that or the new guards would use them as target practice. 

"Lina!!!" Gourry cried out in a whisper. "I don't wanna die like that!!"

"Shut up, Greta." Lina hissed. "I don't want them to see us. All we have to do is get to the center of town and get on the monorail." (why is a monorail in the slayers world??)

The group walked a good ten feet behind Guav and pretended not to know the woman that was obviously a man. If it was found out they were associated with him, they would all die.

"Excuse me." A woman with long pink hair smiled and walked up to the group. "Are you looking for something? I'm here to help all our new priestesses-in-training find their shrine."

"Actually, we are on our way to Seryuun." Rhia smiled at the woman. "We are on our way to the middle of the city, where the platform is."

"Oh!" The woman giggled. "Just follow this road! You'll see it." She turned to walk off. "Oh!" She turned back to them. "The monorail doesn't go directly into Seryuun. It goes to a small city outside of it."

"Thank you!" Melyn called out to her. "She was helpful."

Phibrezzo pouted. "No one's arresting the big ugly guy!"

"There's good reason for that." Rhia shivered. "Would you want to confront _that_?!"

"Good point. he may still look like a man, but if he thinks he's a girl I wouldn't want to correct him."

The crowd stopped and gaped at the cute little girl.

"Penelope!" Melyn laughed and put her hand on Phibrezzo's head. "Why do you keep telling people about your imaginary friend!"

The crowd sighed in relief and continued on with their business. 

"How cute!" One woman sighed. "To be young again and have friends like that!"

Another woman walked up to Phibrezzo and knelt down. "How old are you, sweetie?"

Phibrezzo looked up at Melyn with panic in his eyes.

"My sister is ten." Melyn smiled. "She's so shy around people she doesn't know! She is here with her imaginary friend, George." 

Phibrezzo nodded. "George and I do everything together!"

The woman laughed and held out a lollypop. "This is for you, Cutie."

Phibrezzo smiled and took it from her.

"What do you say?"

Phibrezzo inwardly sighed. This was far too childish and humiliating. "Thank you!"

Melyn waved to the woman and the two took off to catch up with the rest of the group.

Everyone was waiting at the platform. Rhia walked up to Melyn and handed her a ticket. "It comes at noon and leaves ten minutes latter. It's 11:20 right now so Lina and Amelia want to freshen up a bit. Martina and Sylphiel went to do some shopping. Fillia wanted to see if she knew someone here and everyone else is still here and won't be leaving."

Melyn nodded. "I'll stay here too."

"By the way, where did you run off to with Penelope?"

"Some woman stopped us..." Melyn trailed off as she spotted a woman with dark green hair walk up to the platform.

"Can I have one ticket to Seryuun?" She asked the teller.

Rhia and Melyn's jaws hit the floor. "I...is that...Miwan?"

"No...it can't be...Miwan is a boy and all boys were killed."

"But Miwan's mother is the queen."

The two argued over weather it was Miwan or a woman that resembled Miwan all the way back to where the group was sitting.

"What's going on?" Zelgadis looked up from 'A Tale of Two Cities' as the girls entered. (why Zelgadis would read such a boring book is beyond me...I don't mean to insult you 'Dickens' fans, but it was a boring book. ) 

"We saw Miwan." Melyn chirped.

"It wasn't Miwan." Rhia argued. The two went into another large debate on who was right as Zelgadis turned super red.

"So, who's this Miwan?" Phibrezzo nudged Zel in the rips. 

"A man Zel had a big crush on." Xellos answered with a giggle.

Zelgadis jumped to his feet. "I did not have a crush on a man! I am not Homosexual!"

Several woman looked up from the morning paper and eyed the fuming woman.

"So you like women?" Xellos inquired.

"Of course I like women!"

"So then your Homosexual."

"No I'm not!"

"So you like guys." Xellos' evil smirk appeared. "You know, you're sending lots of mixed messages."

Zelgadis realized exactly what was going on and what Xellos was doing and where he was in a split second. "I like guys." Zel blushed and sat down.

"WHAT?!?!" Amelia cried out

Oh, what a perfect time to be a mazoku. This chapter was turning into a soap opera. Now all they needed was an illegitimate child and a comatose character. 

"I...uh..." Zelgadis' eyes widened as he saw the young princess of Seryuun standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Miss Zelda..." Amelia murmured. "I didn't realize..."

"No! Amelia...I mean...I didn't mean what I said! I'm not like that...I like you...I mean women! I mean...No! I like pretty guys! I mean girls..." Zelgadis, for once, was completely tongue tied. 

The two women who were also waiting for the monorail had found bags of popcorn and were enjoying the entertainment Zelgadis was providing.

"It's alright!" Amelia forced a smile. "You don't need to explain. It's just..." Amelia's voice cracked. "I've got to go!" Amelia ran out before she broke down crying. Melyn, Lina and Rhia followed her.

Zelgadis groaned and fell into a chair. "Oh L..." He looked up and saw a very pissed looking Naga looking down on him. 

"You broke my baby sisters heart!" She growled. "You could have broken the news to her easier."

"But--!"

Naga's glare made him shut up. "When we get to Seryuun I WILL tell Daddy about this."

Zelgadis gulped. Prince Phil was bound to have an attack ready for him. The 'You-hurt-my-baby-so-I'll-hurt-you-where-it-counts-kick!' On the train ride to Seryuun he would explain everything to her. This wasn't just his life in jeopardy, it was also Amelia's trust.

*****

"Amelia!" Lina ran up to the distraught girl. "Please! Lets talk!"

"I don't want to!" Amelia yelled. "I want to be alone!"

Lina sat next to her. "Amelia. Zel does like you! He's not like that!"

"You heard him! Yes he is!" Amelia fell onto Lina and sobbed. 

Lina waited patiently for the young woman's tears to slow down before she talked. "Come on. Let's go back and get everything cleared out, alright?"

Amelia nodded, it was futile to argue with Lina. One way or another Lina would get what she wanted, and it seemed Lina wanted Amelia to confront Zelgadis. 

"You alright 'Melia?" Melyn pouted and put her arm around the young princess. "Cause if your not, I know a really deep lake and you can push Zel into it."

Amelia laughed and wiped her tears away. "I'm ok, Miss Melyn."

"Lina, what time is it?" Rhia asked

"I think it is...um..." Lina looked down at her watch. "HOLY! It's 11:55!"

The small group took off in a dead bolt back to the center of town. Just as they stepped foot on the platform a loud cry of disgust and of fear sounded from one of the local bath houses.

"It's a MAN!" A young woman shrieked.

"Kill him!" Another yelled 

"Oh Lord of Nightmares..." Lina groaned. "Please PLEASE don't let it be Gourry..."

"What about me?" The group turned and sure enough, Gourry stood there dumbly. His face turned to one of worry. "I did something dumb again, didn't I?"

"No..." Lina looked back to the commotion. "Who in the world could it be?"

"Not any of us!" Gourry pointed to himself. "All of us guys in girls cloths are still here."

They all sighed in relief. Gourry did get a good smack upside the head for blurting out he was a guy. But it was not that hard of a smack. just a 'don't do that again, or else' smack.

"Miss Lina!" Fillia waved from the train's window. "Come on! It leaves soon!"

The group forget all about the 'men rant' coming from behind and boarded the train. 

"Seems we got off easy this time!" Melyn smiled. "None of us were figured out!"

Rhia smacked Melyn on the head. "Baka! We haven't left Famille yet!"

"Rhia!" Melyn whined "There are a lot of guys on the train! They just can't get off here. They have to stay in here."

Rhia guessed that did make sense. But, just in case the men weren't even allowed on the train she kept them in drag.

Speaking of drag... Rhia looked up and noticed one of the party missing. "Uh...where's Guav..?"

Everyone looked around. It seemed he left without any of them noticing.

"May I sit here?"

"Yeah yeah, sure." Rhia growled as she looked out the window. Where the hell was that big ugly... She felt the train begin to move.

"HELP!!!" Guav broke out of the lynch mob and dashed for the train. The mob of angry woman were on his heels and tried to tackle him down. "FOR THE LOVE OF SHABRANINGDO!!! HELP ME!!"

"Guav-Sama!" Val yelled out.

Phibrezzo laughed as he watched the chaos dragon running in heels.

Rhia took pictures of the whole scenario as it played out.

"Oh my!" The woman that joined them gasped. "That's horrible!"

The group briefly turned to see the their cabin roomy for the trip and gasped. "MIWAN?!?!" they all yelled in unison.

"Oh!" Miwan blushed. "I didn't realize it was you people!" She...he...she...um...Miwan laughed nervously. "I didn't think I would ever see you again."

"Guuuaaaavvvv-saaaammmaaa!" Val cried and bit his thumb.

"HELP!!!" The chaos dragon sounded more frantic.

"You were allowed back into town? I thought that after the last encounter they would have thrown you out." Lina said.

"Um...Mother and the congress came to an agreement on the terms of my living in Famille." Miwan blushed and mumbled under his breath. "Damn you to Lord Phibrezzo, Mother."

"What were the terms?" Melyn looked at the green haired man innocently.

"Um..." Miwan blushed. "I could stay if I got...surgery..."

"Surgery?"

"...And changed my...um..." Miwan trailed off and blushed even redder. 

"So your an actual girl now!" Melyn smiled. "Am I right?"

Miwan nodded and every single guy, not just those in the Slayers world mind you, cringed at the thought.

"VALGUAV!!!" Guav screamed in pain and everyone looked to see what was happening.

Guav hung onto the back of the train and dragged. Clinging to his hairy legs were a few guards who were yelling at the Mazoku to let go and give into the punishment he would have for braking the law.

Val jumped away from the window and yanked Melyn to her feet. "What do we do!"

"Um...let those crazy women have him. It's not our loss."

Rhia eyed Miwan. "So...are you running away again?"

"Yes. I can't stand to live this horrid lie anymore! I'm moving to Seryuun and--" Miwan was cut off by Rhia putting her into a headlock. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to save Guav, of course. If we don't save him, Val will be whiney for the duration of this fic." With saying that, Rhia dragged the princess to the train's exit. "Melyn! Open it!"

Melyn did what she was told and stuck her head out of the open door. "Hey crazy guard-ladies!"

The two clinging to Guav's legs looked up at Melyn.

"Look what we got!" Rhia tossed the princess out of the speeding vehicle. "Catch!"

The two guards cried out and let of Guav to catch their princess. All three tumbled away and were soon out of sight. All the while screaming profanities the author decided wouldn't be appropriate for the younger audience.

"Wow." Rhia sighed in relief. "Who knew that was actually Miwan. I was sure it wasn't."

"I know! I didn't expect a sex change! What a twist!"

The two returned to their cabin and sat down. "We saved Guav and um...Miwan had an accident. She fell off the train."

"Where's Guav?" Val whined. 

The door slid open and a pissed, bloody, dirty, drag-queen Guav entered. "I really hate you people."

"It's not our fault!" Melyn growled. "Rhia and I saved your sorry butt!"

Guav glared at the pigtailed girl. "I was not talking to you." He glared at Phibrezzo and Xellos. "That was not the little mazoku's room."

Everyone groaned. "Guav...that town only has women. There would not be any men's restroom."

"Where's Gourry?" Melyn looked around for her blond buddy and couldn't find him.

"He saw a food cart and went to get us a bite." Martina answered before Lina could. "I hope they have something halfway decent to eat on this."

A loud scream of complete terror shook the entire train as Gourry ran into the cabin. He was a white as a ghost and shaking violently. 

"Gourry?" Lina looked up at her protector with worry. "What's wrong?"

"MISS LALA!!!!"

"Oh God no..."

*****

Ok, that was pulled out of nowhere. It wasn't that god I know, but I promise the next chapter will be better! (Gee I make that promise a lot, don't I?) I will work on this fic as much as I can, but I'm not promising anything. I do have a life outside the computer and Anime. 

Rhia: No you don't.

Ok, maybe I don't, but I don't have a lot of time on my hand so please be tolerant with me. Once again, R & R! I love to read reviews so sent them in!

Disclaimer: Pease see previous chapters for your answer. But, if you don't wanna click the stupid back button, I'll repeat myself. *clears throat* IT AIN'T MINE YA STUPID IDIOT!!! GEEZE! *calms down.* I fell better...


	11. Adventure in Seryuunland

Eep... I know I haven't written much on this lately! I'm so sorry! It's my schoolwork I swear! I will try to finish this story soon. *shutters at the thought of finishing this fic.* I don't wanna finish it!!! *cries* Oh well, all good things must come to an end...and then have sequel upon sequel to follow up.

Ok, this chapter was a booger to write. I don't really know why it was so hard, but it was. I'm sorry if it seems short or underdeveloped, it was just a hard chapter to write.

Please review! Listen to the story. It's calling out...

Slayers Melee: Review me. Review me...

Ok! don't disappoint the story! Review!

*****

Adventure in Seryuun-land 

*****

Seryuun was it's usual busy self. The vendors were selling things like mad. Children ran screaming up and down the streets. Cafe's were hurried due to the lunch hour. And above all, no one seemed to notice a small army of sorceress'/ dragons/ mazoku's/and whatever else the cast was. It was either that they didn't notice, didn't care or they were deathly afraid to make eye contact with anyone with Lina Inverse.

No matter what the townsfolk thought, they were safe from Lina's dangerous attacks. (and I'm not talking about the barrier around the city that prevents attacking spells.)

"Oh Miss Lala! I've searched far and wide for you! Do you know how much I love you, Miss Lala?" Valoom leapt at Gourry in the attempts to hug the man he thought was a woman.

"Who is that idiot? He's followed us since Famille!" Fillia made a face as Valoom tried to kiss the protesting swordsman. "And why does he call Gourry 'Miss Lala'?"

"It's a long story that begins with a wanted poster." Xellos smiled happily as he ate his triple chocolate ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles.

"Xellos?" Melyn popped up between the dragon and the mazoku. "That episode was in the original Slayers series. You didn't appear until Slayers Next. How did you know that happened?"

"Same way you do, kid." Xellos patted Melyn on the head.

"Oh! So you own the video collection as well! That's cool." Melyn smiled and began to eat her vanilla ice cream cone with caramel, hot fudge and whip cream on top. (gee, is anyone else hungry for ice cream?)

While Xellos and Melyn enjoyed their frozen treats, Guav slinked over to Fillia. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Hey baby..."

Fillia eeped at this and tried to get away from Guav.

"Aw, come on. Your a dragon...I'm a dragon..."

Fillia turned bright red, half from embarrassment, half from rage. She pulled out Mace-sama and bashed Guav over the head at speeds of Mach 2. "Henti!"

Guav looked a little dazed from the blow, but not too fazed to make another crude comment. "Hey, if that's the way you like it..."

Fillia gasped and pulled out Mace-sama number 2. "Henti!" She proceeded to spray pepper-spray directly into the chaos dragons eyes and as he screamed in pain she sprayed it down his throat.

"Guav-sama!" Val watched as the chaos dragon fell to the ground in convulsions. "Fillia-mama! You killed him!"

"No I did not." Fillia grabbed Val by the ear and pulled him away. "I forbid you to hang around nasty perverts like that mazoku there!" She pointed at the still twitching and barely breathing Guav. 

"Y...yes Fillia-mama..."

"Amelia!"

The group turned to see a rather gruff looking middle-aged man dressed in white running at them with his arms spread wide in a hugging pose.

"Daddy!" Amelia took off like a bolt to her father with a similar pose. The two embraced in a long hug that made Xellos feel nauseous.

"Oh daughter! You're home."

"Yes father. I am home."

"Amelia..."

"Daddy..."

Xellos collapsed to the ground. "It hurts so bad..." He groaned in misery.

Phibrezzo held his stomach as he fell to his knees next to Xellos. "I know what you mean..." He held his hand to his mouth with the hopes of stopping the vomit that seemed to be stuck in his throat. (eww...)

"How was your adventure?" Prince Phil smiled at his youngest daughter. "Did it all turn out alright?"

"Actually, we're still on the adventure. I know I said I wouldn't return home until this journey was over, but we ran into a problem." 

"Hey!" Melyn and Rhia yelled in unison. "We are not a problem!"

Prince Phil gave the two girls a amazed look. Maybe it was due to one having cat ears and a tail and the other wearing headphones with music blaring far too loud for normal listening ranges without blowing your ear drums. His look of surprise turned into a happy smile. "Ah, you must be some of Amelia's friends! How come I've never met you before?"

Melyn laughed. "We met Amelia about three months ago, that's why you haven't seen us yet."

Phil nodded. "Come back to the palace! You can stay there as long as you want!" He walked over to Melyn and gave her a friendly pat on the back. The 'friendly pat' seemed to be just a tiny bit to powerful and Melyn crashed head first into the pavement. "Oops. Sorry." He reached down and helped the dazed girl to stand. "Are you alright?"

"Jus fine!" Melyn swooned. Little Xellos flew around her head. "I jus need a lil nap..."Melyn fell over again.

"Poor girl." Phil sighed. "She must be so tired after such a long journey."

"Yeah..._That's _it..." Rhia mumbled under her breath as she and Naga picked Melyn up. Naga took her head while Rhia took her feet.

"What?" Phil turned and looked at the cat girl and gasped. "Gracia?"

Naga 'meeped' and dropped her half of Melyn. The quickly turned and faced Phil as Rhia cried out in shock and also dropped her half of Melyn.

"Oh geeze! I'm sorry, Melyn!" Rhia gulped and hoped to L-sama that Melyn didn't remember this when she woke up.

"H...hi Daddy." Naga forced a smile. "Long time no see, huh?"

"My little Gracia!" Phil wrapped his eldest daughter in a tight hug. Tears streamed down his face. "Oh how I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too, Daddy."

"Gracia...?" Phil pulled back. "What are you wearing?"

"Mom's old cloths."

"Yes. I can see that." Phil took off his cape and wrapped it around Naga. 

"Daddy!" Naga snapped. "You let Mom wear it!"

"It was different with your mother." Phil looked around protectively and made sure no boys were ogling his baby. "She wasn't you." He tied the knot of the cape. "I don't want any young hoodlums to think ill of you, my Gracia."

Now, if Melyn was conscious, she would be snickering at how Prince Phil was treating his daughter. It was normal for father's to not like revealing cloths on their children (and Naga's cloths are as revealing as they come...).

"Daddy!" Naga whined as the group made their way back to the palace, Melyn was carried by Gourry, who seemed to have avoided Valloom.

"Oi! Phil!" Gourry whispered to the prince. 'When we get to your place, can you make sure that guy is left outside."

"Any nuisance to you is a nuisance to me." Phil smiled and tried to smack Gourry on the back. Luckily for Melyn, Gourry ducked and avoided the gesture of friendship.

*****

"Rhia..." Melyn whined as she sat on the bed ten times larger than she was. "I'm hungry."

"Melyn, you're always hungry." Rhia smiled and was happy her friend finally woke up after three hours of sleeping like a rock. "We'll get some food later."

"But I'm hungry now!"

Rhia groaned. "Alright. Alright. We'll go to the kitchen and make something to eat."

The two creped out of the room they were told to share and tiptoed down the hall. Melyn whistled the 'Mission Impossible' theme as they twisted and turned threw the large palace. After ten minutes of aimlessly walking they realized three very important facts. It was dark. It was cold. And they were lost. 

"What do we do now?" Melyn didn't fear talking in her normal voice now. If someone caught them they could figure out how to get back to their room. Or the kitchen, whichever came first.

"Well." Rhia looked around. "We find a room and we look for that map, I guess." 

Melyn sweat-dropped. "You know, I bet they have that map in a secret safe or something to that effect. I doubt we will find it without Phil's help."

Rhia nodded. "I do know that. I'm not an idiot. I just wanted a reason to snoop."

"Oh." Melyn smiled. "Ok." She went to the closest door she could find and opened it.

Brooms and mops hit her over the head as buckets and other cleaning supplies fell to the ground and caused a very loud, obnoxious clattering sound. "Oops. Wrong door." Melyn smiled in her embarrassment.

Rhia rolled her eyes and opened the door next to it. This door seemed to lead to a large ballroom. "Cool."

Melyn skipped into the large ballroom and began to hop around in a pathetic attempt to look like she was dancing. Melyn continued to twirl as Rhia looked around the biggest, emptiest room she ever entered. "Rhia! Rhia! Look at me! I'm a princess!"

"Of course you are." Rhia ignored Melyn and looked at the murals on the walls. Elaborate portraits of old dead people doing heroic things seemed to be the main theme. It was really cool and Rhia bet that any teacher who taught a Myths and Legends course would drool over the sight of this wall.

"Those are my ancestors." Rhia and Melyn turned to see Amelia standing there in her nightgown. (Of course Melyn and Rhia didn't feel the need to put on day cloths as they left so they too were wandering around in their PJ's).

"That's my Great Uncle Wilber." Amelia pointed to one of the people on the mural. "He slew a dragon as it was attacking Seryuun. And that's My Great Great Great Grandmother, Lizabeth. She was a very powerful priestess, before she married my Great Great Great Grandfather Mikal. Then she became a leading figure to the city and it's people."

"Cool." Melyn pulled out a Polaroid from her wallet. "That's my mom. She's the detention monitor at a school. That's my dad and he is really good at numbers and junk that's way over my head."

Rhia smiled and also pulled out a picture. "That's my mom and my sister."

"Wow." Amelia sighed happily. "Did any of your ancestors do great things?"

"Of course they did great things. Generation after generation built up for the greatest, most profound thing to ever happen to our family." Melyn smiled.

"What was that?" Rhia and Amelia asked in unison.

"Duh, the birth of me."

Both girls sweat-dropped. "Sure they did, Melyn."

"Why are you to in here?" Amelia walked the two girls out of the large room.

"We got lost looking for the kitchen." 

Amelia laughed. "Everyone else seems to be down there right now. I doubt there will be any food left for breakfast." The princess lead the two girls down to the kitchen where everyone did sit. It appeared to be one big pajama party in the dinning room.

Melyn squealed and ran up to Xellos. "I love you PJ's!" The mazoku wore a regular black shirt with a pair of amethyst colored pants little chibi Beastmaster's ran all over.

"Thanks!"

Rhia pulled out her camera (yes, she does have her camera.) and began to take pictures of everyone. 

Lina wore a oversized pink tee-shirt with a matching pair of pink shorts. 

Next to her stood Gourry, who wore a light blue shirt and a pair of light blue flannel pants. The two seemed to be arguing over weather pepperoni or sausage was a better pizza topping.

"I personally like anchovies." Zelgadis stated. He wore a green pajama piece with yellow stars all over it. At his side hung his ever-present sword.

"Zel. You opinion doesn't count because fish on pizza is gross." Fillia turned back to Lina. "What about cheese?"

"Cheese doesn't give the pizza as a whole enough flavor."

The dragon maiden pouted. She wore a long light pink nightgown that reached her ankles.

"I like cheese on my pizza." Xellos smiled. "But I really like olives on it as well."

"I like pineapple and Canadian bacon." Martina chirped as she held onto her husbands arm. She wore a teal shirt and black pants.

"That's really good." Zangulus agreed with his wife. He wore a pair of well worn black sweatpants and a white shirt with multiple holes in it. On his head sat the ugly, cool hat.

"No way!" Rezo sneered. "The best pizza topping is meat lovers ." The blind priest wore a long red robe tied in the middle. Mr. Snuggles, his pink teddy bear, was under his arm.

"Vegetarian!" Kopii shot back. He wore a long white robe and had Mr. Wuggles, his teddy bear, under his arm as well.

"I like mushrooms." Eris said softly. She wore a white silk button down shirt and pants.

"No way!" Phibrezzo sat wearing a black flannel one piece complete with footies. "Grasshoppers." 

"Ew." Amelia made a face. "I like plain cheese as well."

Guav smiled. "I like everything." Guav wore well...He didn't seem to change for bed so he wore his usual big red trench coat.

"I like that too!" Val smiled and looked adorable in the dark blue flannel button up pajama's with a matching night cap (complete with the little poof ball at the tip of the hat.)

"I don't like pizza." Naga mumbled. 

Everyone stared blankly at the busty woman. "What do you mean you don't like pizza?" Lina growled.

"I just don't like pizza. I would rather have lasagna."

Rhia and Melyn backed slowly out of the kitchen and made sure to not make any sudden movements around the arguing group. Once out of view the two dashed like mad to the room. (How they found it is beyond me). A gallon of vanilla ice cream, two bowl and spoons, all the good sweet toppings that belong on ice cream seemed to follow the two to their room.

Of course they couldn't let it just sit there and melt, so they ate all of it.

*****

"Daddy." Amelia and the others approached Prince Phil the next day. "Do you have a map to Wolf Pack Island?"

"Wolf Pack Island?" Phil scratched his head. "I don't remember a map to any island here...but I'll check records and see if it is here. What is it for?"

Amelia struck a pose. "It's for justice! Some evil is lurking in the darkness and waiting to attack the people all over the world with 'Saturday School' and other such nonsense! We will stop at nothing to defeat him and bring order back into the world."

"Oh Amelia! I'm so proud!"

"Daddy..."

"Amelia..."

"Zelgadis." Naga whispered into the Chimera's ear. "I'm still mad at what you did to Amelia. Don't you see she's pretending it doesn't hurt her."

Zelgadis gulped. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." Naga smiled wickedly. "I just wanted you to know that I will tell Daddy. After he finds this map. If I tell him now, we will never get the map."

Zel gulped again and felt himself grow faint. "Please don't. I'm not like that."

"Then tell Amelia you love her." Melyn whispered. "Make fan's happy! Marry her! Have kids!"

Zelgadis turned an amazing shade of red. "I don't love Amelia."

"Liar." Rhia whispered. "Liar pants on fire."

"I don't! I swear!" Zel looked around franticly and found no means of escape. That and that everyone else left.

"Do you want Melyn and I to sing cheesy love songs from the eighties until you do?" Rhia smiled. "Just do us fans this one favor."

"Why don't you want to tell Amelia. It's so obvious you like her." Melyn poked his flaming cheek.

"Because her father can pacifist-crush me into next week!" Zel hissed threw clenched teeth. 

"But if Phil finds out, your dead." Rhia pointed out.

"I'll take my chances. If he finds out, I only have to out run him."

"And his horse."

"D'oh." Zel sighed in defeat. "What if I tell just Phil that I love Amelia?"

"Not good enough!" Zel X Amelia fans roared through the fanfic.

Zel sighed. "Why L-sama, oh why do you do this to me?"

The group looked around and noticed Naga was missing. "Uh...Zel if I were you I'd start running really fas--"

A loud roar of anger ripped down the halls. One could only guess Naga told Phil and he was not taking it well.

"OH GOD!" Zel turned and ran like there was no tomorrow (which in his case was his destiny at this moment in time).

Shortly after Zel ran away with his metaphorical tail between his legs, Phil followed. "Where is he?!"

Melyn and Rhia pointed in the direction Zel just ran. It was not everyday Prince Phil the Pacifist got angry and he was scary when he was mad.

After it sounded like Phil and Zel left the castle, the Slayers gang met up. "Phil said Dynast has the map." Lina sighed. "Where the hell does Dynast live?"

"North Pole!" Melyn smiled.

"Ok, I'm not even going to ask how you know that." Lina sighed. "Zel said, as he passed us, that if he can outrun Phil we should meet him at the inn at Vertluc.

"Ok!" Melyn picked up her bag-o-wonder and they headed into the sunset on the path to Vertluc. 

******

Wow, this chapter turned out better than I planned. Now all I have to do is finish the rest of this story. I really don't have much else to say exempt REVIEW!!!!

Disclaimer: Again, not mine.


	12. The most bishonen man is Slayers appears...

Ah, chapter twelve. This is so weird. I figured I would get board with this story way back when at chapter five, but here I am and boy does it feel weird to be doing this.

If you couldn't tell by the last chapter, this one is about Dynast. Now, Dynast is cool and all but I have no clue on his personality or whatnots. I kinda fished around the internet looking for facts on him to pull together and then I decided to just make this a short chapter. Sorry all you Dynast fans. I love him too, but I just didn't find enough to make a really long elaborate chapter on him.

I really do hope you enjoy this chapter, even if I don't do much and please PLEASE R&R. I like reviews, even bad ones...but not as much as good ones. Ok, just praise me even if you do not have much to say. It makes Melyn feel loved to know lots of people read her fanfics. (Also...idea's for stories are accepted. Just e-mail me the idea...)

*****

Chapter 12:The most bishonen man is Slayers appears!

*****

"I...it'sss ssso c...c...cold..."Amelia sneezed and wrapped her arms tighter around herself. Despite the fact that the entire Slayers cast were wearing goose-down, heavy duty winter gear, the group was nearly popsicles.

Well, exempt Melyn and Rhia who were raised in Minnesota and were almost immune to bitter weather thanks to nine month long winters.

The group had been traveling through the icy tundra of the north pole for a good three days as they looked for Dynast's layer. So far they had little luck (More like no luck. But Melyn tried to keep morals high.) Now they were pissed, cold and beginning to lose hope of getting out alive.

"Wouldn't it suck if it turned out Dynast was on vacation in the Bahamas this week?" Ok, Melyn was not doing too good of a job keeping morals high. She tried, but due to her big mouth and stupid comments, the cast felt a good dragon slave from Lina to Melyn would make everyone feel a bit better.

"So Zel," Lina tried not to shiver. "How'd you manage to escape Phil?"

"Simple." Zel sighed. "I ran really really fast and I buried myself in a hole until he went away, then I went to Vertluc."

"That's sad." Lina sighed. "Running from Phil. You really know how to piss pacifists' off, don't you?"

"Just be quiet already." After arriving at Vertluc, Zel tracked down Amelia and explained what happened to him on the train and how this was all Xellos' fault. Amelia's whole demeanor was as peppy and joyful as ever (or even more so knowing she still had a chance with the chimera). 

Unfortunately, for Zel X Amelia fans, Zel was too chicken to say those three words to her. But fear not, gentle reader! Melyn and Rhia promise to at least make their feelings known to each other by the end of this fic! (for you not-so Zel X Amelia fans, I'm sorry. I like them together. Believe what you want, but I'm the authoress and I hold the pen...er...keyboard to this particular fanfic. if you don't like it, ignore it.)

"I'm cold!" Phibrezzo whined. "I wanna go home! Are we there yet?"

"Quit bellyaching!" Rhia snapped harshly and rolled up the sleeves of her navy blue sweatshirt with 'Rhikat' written on the back in white. "This is beautiful weather."

"Snow! Snow! Snow!" Melyn sang and danced around in the snow. She wore an identical sweatshirt to Rhia's the only difference was hers said 'Melyn' on the back. (Rhia and I actually have these sweatshirts. They're choir sweatshirts and are really comfy. ^.^)

"They're insane." Phibrezzo gasped. Sure he knew from the beginning those two were not in the right state of mind, but this new knowledge tipped the scales.

"M...M...Miss...L...L...Lina?" Amelia's teeth chattered. "W...where exactly is Dynast's l...l...lair?"

"I don't know." Lina shrugged. 'We've been following them. They're the one's that know where it is."

"Actually, we've been wandering aimlessly. I don't know where Dynast's lair is. In fact, we don't have a map to his lair. Someone made Phil mad and we didn't get a chance to ask for a map to Dynast's." Melyn smiled. "But don't worry. If you die we will have more food!" 

"That is really gross." Lina made a face. "I will eat almost anything, but human flesh is not one of things I refuse to try."

"But what is a dragon dies off first." Rhia pointed out.

"Well then, Bon-Appetite."

Fillia, Guav and Valguav made faces of disgust.

"I see it! I see it!" Melyn jumped for joy, hit an ice patch, slipped and hit her head. "Ow...It's so pretty..."

Everyone looked to where Melyn was and saw a large palace almost made entirely from ice.

"Wow.." Rhia whistled in amazement. The group trekked their way threw the snow and after a relatively short journey, they made it to the gigantic wooden doors. (which, by the way was a little weird. Gigantic wooden doors on an ice palace? What was the author thinking?)

"What do we do now?" Sylphiel asked sweetly.

"Use the big golden knocker, of course." Rhia turned and sweat-dropped.

"Hephhh." Melyn whimpered. Her tongue was presently attacked to the golden knocker. "Rhiahhh! Hephh!"

"Why did you lick the knocker, Melyn." Rhia thought Melyn was smarter than that. She was obviously wrong.

"'Errossh. Errossh daahwwed ne."

"Xellos dared you."

"Uh huh..."Melyn whimpered.

"Oh no." Fillia felt pity towards Melyn at this moment in time. "What do we do?"

"Easy." Rhia, being the wonderful friend she is, grabbed the back of Melyn's head and pulled back. She then proceeded to slam Melyn's face into the door which resonated, besides Melyn's screams of pain, was a loud 'knocking sound. Rhia repeated this process five or six times more.

"Melyn..."Gourry whimpered and pulled out a lighter. He then helped to defrost Melyn's tongue from the metal.

"Fank ooh." Melyn smiled despite her hurting tongue and thanked the swordsman.

After about a minute of waiting, Dynast opened to door and glared at the group. He wore a navy blue bathrobe and held a well-loved stuffed pink bunny under his arm. From the disheveled look of his hair, he had just woken up. 

"No soliciting." He growled and began to shut the door.

"We're not selling anything!"

"I'm not interested in your cult religion. I also own many different holy books and I do not need your new version one."

"We're not doing that either!"

"I don't like neighbors." Dynast scanned the group. "Are you the IRS? I paid my taxes."

"Nope!" Melyn jumped in front of the grumpy mazoku lord. "Hi! I'm Melyn and we heard you have a map."

Dynast scowled. "You you people have any idea what time it is?"

Rhia and Melyn looked at their watches. "About three in the afternoon." They said in unison.

Dynast didn't speak for a minute. "...oh..."

"We heard you have a map to Wolf Pack Island." Rhia crossed her arms. "I want it. Where is it?"

"Why should I tell you." Dynast mumbled and ran a hand threw his hair.

"Because, the sooner you give us the map. The sooner we leave."

Dynast yawned. "Don't remember what I did with it..."He peered down to see Melyn using her death grip on his pajama clad leg. 

Melyn blushed like the school-girl she was. "You're so handsome. I love you." She giggled. "And I like your silk black PJ pants!"

"Please remove your...whatever the heck she is..." Dynast kicked his leg and found that Melyn wouldn't budge.

"I don't know..." Rhia began to walk away. "we might remove her is your memory clears up a bit..."

Dynast felt his leg go numb. "Alright!" He yelled. "Come inside...I'll get it..."

He sighed. "What did I do to disserve this...I haven't even appeared in the anime yet..." He dragged Melyn in with him.

Dynast lead them into a small sitting room. "Stay here and I'll find it."

Melyn leapt off. "Ok!" She hugged him tightly then went over to Rhia. "He's nice."

The group sat around for a good half hour before they began to play with some of the decorations and do-dads lying around. (Melyn seemed to break everything that came into her hands).

"Hello..." A woman with long blue hair put into a braid entered. "Who are you?"

"Us?" Rhia smiled. "We're just blackmailing Dynast for a map."

The woman glared at Rhia. "Blackmailing?"

"It's for a good cause." Rhia defended herself. "It's just a map to Wolf Pack Island."

"Oh..." The woman looked shocked. "Dynast-sama gave that to Deep Sea a number of years back."

"Oh Sherra!" Xellos smiled. "What would our masters do without us holding onto their daily planners?"

"Shut up." Sherra muttered. "Stupid priest/general."

"Your just angry because I stood you up all those years back."

"What?" Sherra blared. "I never even had the urge to go out with a piece of scum like you!" (Author's note: I don't know if those two would act that way around each other, but they do have some rivalry with mazoku lords so I bet there is some rivalry and hatred between the generals as well.)

"I think I like her." Fillia said to herself.

Dynast finally returned to the small room. "Sherra! Good, you're here. What did I do with that map to Wolf Pack Island?"

"Sir...you gave it to Deep Sea Dolphin right after she went insane."

"Ok." Rhia butted into the conversation. "We now need a map of the Demon sea."

Dynast sighed. "Be right back..."

While he was gone this time, Fillia and Sherra talked about how much they hated Xellos. Sherra also informed the group on how well Xellos' prom went and about his date and basically his whole teenaged life. (The two went to the same high school, don't ask me why.)

It appeared Xellos was a big Dungeons and Dragons fan back in the old days and he had a really big crush on a girl who later turned out to be a dragon. 

After much embarrassment to Xellos, Dynast finally returned with a map. "Here. Now get out of My house." He thrust the map into Rhia's hands and forced to group out his from door. "Have a nice life. Goodbye." He slammed the door shut and left them staring blankly at the door. 

The door opened again and threw Melyn out. "Take her with you."

"Bye!" Melyn waved. 

Now it seemed they were out to the Demon Sea. What horror's will come from meeting someone crazier than Melyn and Rhia?

*****

Yawn. I'm tired. Write next chapter tomorrow. Night night.

Disclaimer: Not mine...zzzzz 


	13. Under the sea

*Melyn the Otaku walks out onto a well lit stage. "Thank you! Thank you!" Listens to all the anime-fans applause of happiness. "I have a feeling this might be the longest chapter yet!" The applause turns into a roar of happy people. "And the reason for this is not because of my writing skills!"

Audience:...huh?

Melyn smiles evilly "That's right. You heard me correctly. Why do I say this? Because. That's why.

"Ok, the real reason is because...you have to read and find out!"

*****

Under the Sea

*****

"So..." Dolphin smirked as she sat high on her throne made of red coral...actually it was more of an orangey-pink, but that's beside the point. "You say you want the map to Wolf Pack Island?" Her smirk grew as she chuckled.

"Basically, yes." Rhia answered and looked more confident than she felt. In fact, she was near pissing her pants. Sane demons were weird enough. Who know what _insane _demons were like. "It would greatly help us out if we had that map."

"Give me one good reason to give you that map. I know that if I give you said map you will use it to help out the one that...did...something to me...can't remember what..."

"Drove you off the edge of sanity?"

"Yeah! That was it! She drove me insane." Dolphin smiled in Melyn's direction. "Thanks Pig-tails!"

"No problem!" Melyn looked around the massive coral throne room. Pretty drawings that appeared to have been done by Dolphin lined the walls. Little fishies swam outside the windows and the room had very nice lighting which gave it a spooky appearance, perfect for any mazoku lord. 

Melyn continued to gape as something shiny caught her eye. "What's that..." She walked in the direction of the shiny object in question as no one noticed (or cared) that Melyn had gone off. 

"I won't give you that map. There is no force on this earth that will ever get me to give you that map."

"Miss Deep Sea!" Rhia put on her 'please help us' face. "We are not out to help Zelas! I swear to you...ok, maybe Xellos is...but he has his reasons. The rest of us are going to--"

"Finished it!" Melyn held a small cube in her hand. "I finished it!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. "That's great Melyn...Finished what?" Rhia eyed her buddy.

"Duh, the rubix cube!" Melyn smiled proudly as she held the glittery rubix cube up. "Remember our buddy, Kristen? She can do it much faster than I can, but she taught me the secret art to rubix-ing."

"That's amazing..." Dolphin's eyes widened at the sight in front of her. "How did you do it?"

Melyn shrugged. "Ask Kristen. She's the smart one when it comes to these things...I think it also says what to do on the instructions..."

"Really?" Dolphin got off her throne and walked over to Melyn "Zelas gave me that for my ten thousandth birthday!"

"That's a nice gift!"

"I thought so." Dolphin's smile faded. "After about six centuries of trying to figure it out..."

"You fell off your rocker!" Melyn smiled.

"Is there anything I can give you? You're the first person to ever figure that thing out!"

"Well...I've always wanted a pony..."

"A pony?" Dolphin and the rest of the world sweat-dropped. "Uh...I don't have a pony. How about that map you wanted!"

Melyn smiled lightly. "Ok...I guess."

Dolphin wiggled her finger. "But I want one more thing from you before I will give it to you..."

*****

"Yay!" Dolphin cheered as she sat front row center in the huge auditorium. 

The red curtain drew back, reveling Melyn and Rhia standing there. Both had a microphone. 

"Testing...Testing..." Melyn spoke into her mike. "Hello Demon Sea! I love you guys!"

Dolphin cheered again.

"Welcome to the first ever Slayers concert! Featuring every one from the main characters to the ig bad guys and even that annoying toady, Eris!" Rhia called out. It appeared they were getting far to into the whole concert thing...

"Yay!"

"A special thanks goes out to the one and only, Deep Sea Dolphin, who made this all possible by forcing us to sing! We also wish to thank her for the costume closet! Thant just made it all the more humiliating for everyone!"

"Yay Dolphin!"

"First on the floor tonight is that loud mouthed red head everyone fears! Give it up for Lina Inverse!"

Lina blushed as she walked center stage and Rhia and Melyn exited stage left. "Uh...hi..."

She wore black leather pants and a leather jacket that was left unbuttoned. Under that she wore a hot pink tank top. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

After Lina got center stage, Melyn cued up the music, which was Pink Floyds, Money. 

Lina grabbed the mike and began to sing...

Money, get away.  
Get a good job with good pay and you're okay.  
Money, it's a gas.  
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.  
New car, caviar, four star daydream,  
Think I'll buy me a football team.  
  
Money, get back.  
I'm all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack.  
Money, it's a hit.  
Don't give me that do goody good bulls**t  
I'm in the high-fidelity first class traveling set   
And I think I need a Lear jet.  
  
Money, it's a crime.  
Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie.  
Money, so they say  
Is the root of all evil today.  
But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're   
giving none away.  
  
"HuHuh! I was in the right!"  
"Yes, absolutely in the right!"  
"I certainly was in the right!"  
"You was definitely in the right. That geezer was cruising for a  
bruising!"  
"Yeah!"  
"Why does anyone do anything?"  
"I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!"  
"I was just telling him, he couldn't get into number 2. He was asking  
why he wasn't coming up on freely, after I was yelling and  
screaming and telling him why he wasn't coming up on freely.  
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out"  


Lina finished "Thank you!" She bowed deeply than took off stage left.

As Dolphin cheered for more, Gourry entered. "Hi!" He waved. "Um...Melyn picked out this song and gave me the lyrics so...yeah!" 

Gourry was dressed up like a 1950's jock with the letter sweater and a pair of jeans. He began to sing...

Don't know much about history,   
don't know much biology.   
Don't know much about a science book,   
don't know much about the French I took.   
But I do know that I love you,   
and I know that if you love me, too,   
what a wonderful world this would be.   
  
Don't know much about geography,   
don't know much trigonometry.   
Don't know much about algebra,   
don't know what a slide rule is for.   
But I did know that one and one is two,   
and if this one could be with you,   
what a wonderful world this would be.   
  
Now I don't claim to be an 'A' student,   
but I'm tryin' to be.   
For maybe be being an 'A' student, baby,   
I can win your love for me.   
  
Don't know much about history,   
don't know much biology.   
Don't know much about a science book,   
don't know much about the French I took.   
But I do know that I love you,   
and I know that if you love me, too,   
what a wonderful world this would be.   
  
But I do know that I love you,   
and I know that if you love me, too,   
what a wonderful world this would be.

Dolphin cheered with Melyn as the song finished. "I love that song!"

"Me too!" Melyn clapped. "Next up is Princess Amelia!"

Amelia walked on stage wearing a tight red dress with a slit up one side that reached up to her hip. A matching blush covered her features. "Uh...hi..."

A slow jazz piano piece started up and Amelia began to sing.

When tearing off

A game of golf

I may make a play for the caddie

But when I do

I don't follow threw

'Cause my heart belongs to Daddy

If I invite

A boy some night 

To dine on my fine Finen' Haddie

I just adore

His asking for more

But my heart belongs to Daddy 

Yes my heart belongs to Daddy

So I simply couldn't be bad

Yes my heart belongs to Daddy

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

So I want to warn you laddie

Though I know your perfectly swell

That my heart belongs to Daddy 

So I couldn't be bad

I couldn't be bad.

Amelia winked and walked off the stage, the blush still remained.

Zelgadis was the next one out. He wore a black silk shirt that was left slightly unbuttoned (all thanks goes to Melyn for ripping said buttons off) and a pair of leather pants. He looked very uncomfortable.

It's all or nothing  
And nothing's all I ever get  
Every time I turn it on  
I burn it up and burn it out

It's always something  
There's always something going wrong  
That's the only guarantee  
That's what this is all about

It's a never ending attack  
Everything's a lie and that's a fact  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

And all the morons  
And all the stooges with their coins  
They're the ones who make the rules  
It's not a game--it's just a rout

There's desperation  
There's desperation in the air  
It leaves a stain on all your clothes  
And no detergent gets it out

And we're always slipping thru the cracks  
Then the movie's over--fade to black  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

I want my money back  
I want my money back

What about love?  
It's Defective!  
It's always breaking in half

What about sex?  
It's Defective!  
It's never built to really last

What about family?  
It's Defective!  
All the batteries are shot

What about friends?  
They're Defective!  
All the parts are out of stock

What about hope?  
It's Defective!  
It's corroded and decayed

What about faith?  
It's Defective!  
It's tattered and it's frayed

What about your Gods?  
They're Defective!  
They forgot the warranty

What about your town?  
It's Defective!  
It's a dead end street to me

What about your school?  
It's Defective!  
It's a pack of useless lies

What about your work?  
It's Defective!  
It's a crock and then you die

What about your childhood?  
It's Defective!  
It's dead and buried in the past

What about your future?  
It's Defective!  
And you can shove it up your ass!

I want my money back  
I want my money back

It's all or nothing  
And nothing's all I ever get   
Every time I turn it on  
I burn it up and burn it out

It's a never ending attack   
Everything's a lie and that's a fact  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

And we're always slipping thru the cracks  
Then the movie's over--fade to black  
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

Dolphin cheered again and still seemed to be amused by all this. Melyn and Rhia were also amused and they were taking blackmail pictures.

Xellos came on next. He wore a black pair of pants and a black shirt with flames on it. On his head were a set of devil horn that Melyn insisted he wear.

Living easy, living free   
Season ticket on a one-way ride   
Asking nothing, leave me be   
Taking everything in my stride   
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme   
Ain't nothing I would rather do   
Going down, party time   
My friends are gonna be there too   
  
I'm on the highway to hell   
  
No stop signs, speed limit   
Nobody's gonna slow me down   
Like a wheel, gonna spin it   
Nobody's gonna mess me round   
Hey Satan, payin' my dues   
Playing in a rocking band   
Hey Momma, look at me   
I'm on my way to the promised land   
  
I'm on the highway to hell   
(Don't stop me)   
  
And I'm going down, all the way down   
I'm on the highway to hell 

Once Xellos finished Dolphin booed him off stage. It appeared she did not like Beastmasters general as well...

Fillia was the next to come on. She wore a long flowing white gown with a matching shawl. "Hello..." She blushed as well. "Um...I'm going to be doing Celine Dions's My heart will go on."

"Every night in my dreams--" Fillia was cut off as a rotten tomato was thrown at her. "Xellos!"

"What!" The purple haired priest walked out on stage. "I didn't do it!" He turned and left as the music cued up again.

"--I see you I feel--" Fillia was hit with a head of cabbage. "Xellos!"

"I swear it's not me! Look! I will sit in the audience!" Xellos hopped off stage and sat next to Dolphin. "Now sing that nauseating song of yours."

The music started up again "-You-" Fillia was bombarded from all sides with rotten vegetables. None of which Xellos threw. 

It appeared massive haters of the Titanic movie were behind the throwing of the vegetables. In other words, Melyn was chucking the vegetables because she still hates that movie.

Sylphiel came on dressed like Enya.

May it be  
An evening star  
Shines down  
Upon you

May it be  
When darkness falls  
Your heart  
Will be true

You walk along a road  
Oh how far you are from home

Mornië utúlië [: 'Darkness has come']   
Believe and you  
Will find your way

Mornië alantië [: 'Darkness has fallen']  
A promise lives  
Within you now

May it be  
The shadow's call  
Will fly away

May it be  
A journey on  
To light the day

When the night is all gone  
You may rise  
To find the sun

Mornië utúlië ['Darkness has come']   
Believe and you  
Will find your way

Mornië alantië ['Darkness has fallen']   
A promise lives  
Within you now

A promise lives  
Within you now...

Dolphin and Rhia cheered really loud as Sylphiel exited and Naga entered.

Naga wore a cranberry colored skirt and a cream colored shirt.

Some women like men with Muscle

Some Women like men with dough

Some women like men who write them haiku

Or tattoo your name on their toes

Some women like men with class and smarts and breeding

But the singular trait

That I love in a mate

Is a hairline that's receding...

I want them bald

Tall, dark, handsome and bald

Keep your jock and keep your rock star

What makes me crazy is a lack of lock-star

Bald (she wants them bald)

Shiny brilliantly bald

Flowing curls are so passe

Tell your Romeo to throw the comb away

How I love when he goes for a haircut

and I mean a _haircut _

And he comes home relaxed

With a satisfied glare

He says "Hun, like the style?"

And I get a soft smile

As I gently run my fingers threw his...air

(He has no hair)

He's bald (he is so bald)

And I love him; So bald

Gourry piped in "My father is bald!"

Who needs tangles?

Who needs gel?

You can tell John Paul Michel 

that he can go to hell

And to all young men who are listening 

Who do that 'taupe thing'

And make no mistake I assure you

We know who you are

And to all you young men

Who do one piece real long that's wreathing

Go all natural

And believe me you'll shine like a star!

Cause women love bald

My baby will be bald

Now listen here, don't be a fool

Just take a tip from Naga;

What could be more hot?

More cool?

Than Bald!

Who loves you, baby? Purr...

Naga exited and Rezo walked on. He wore a lab coat and looked like a mad doctor. 

"I will kill them for this..." Rezo swore under his breath as his song started up.

I was working in the lab late one night   
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight   
For my monster from his slab began to rise   
And suddenly to my surprise   
  
He did the mash   
He did the monster mash   
The monster mash   
It was a graveyard smash   
He did the mash   
It caught on in a flash   
He did the mash   
He did the monster mash   
  
From my laboratory in the castle east   
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast   
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes   
To get a jolt from my electrodes   
  
They did the mash   
They did the monster mash   
The monster mash   
It was a graveyard smash   
They did the mash   
It caught on in a flash   
They did the mash   
They did the monster mash   
  
The zombies were having fun   
The party had just begun   
The guests included Wolf Man   
Dracula and his son   
  
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds   
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds   
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive   
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"   
  
They played the mash   
They played the monster mash   
The monster mash   
It was a graveyard smash   
They played the mash   
It caught on in a flash   
They played the mash   
They played the monster mash   
  
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring   
Seems he was troubled by just one thing   
He opened the lid and shook his fist   
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"   
  
It's now the mash   
It's now the monster mash   
The monster mash   
And it's a graveyard smash   
It's now the mash   
It's caught on in a flash   
It's now the mash   
It's now the monster mash   
  
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band   
And my monster mash is the hit of the land   
For you, the living, this mash was meant too   
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you   
  
Then you can mash   
Then you can monster mash   
The monster mash   
And do my graveyard smash   
Then you can mash   
You'll catch on in a flash   
Then you can mash   
Then you can monster mash 

Rezo growled something about 'no respect' as he exited the stage. Kopii walked on dressed like Rezo and he appeared to be even more pissed.

Isn't it strange  
Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror  
What would people say  
If only they knew that I was  
Part of some geneticist's plan  
Born to be a carbon copy man  
There in a petri dish late one night  
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say 

I think I'm a clone now  
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around  
I think I'm a clone now  
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down 

Look at the way  
We go out walking close together  
I guess you could say  
I'm really beside myself  
I still remember how it began  
They produced a carbon copy man  
Born in a science lab late one night  
Without a mother or a father  
Just a test tube and a womb with a view 

I think I'm a clone now  
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around  
I think I'm a clone now  
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down  
I think I'm a clone now  
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town  
I think I'm a clone now  
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down 

Signing autographs for my fans  
Come and meet the carbon copy man  
Livin' in stereo, it's all right  
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say 

I think I'm a clone now  
Another one of me's always hangin' around  
I think I'm a clone now  
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down  
I think I'm a clone now  
I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world renowned  
I think I'm a clone now  
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down  
I think I'm a clone now  
Thats my genetic twin always hangin' around  
I think I'm a clone now  
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Koppi glared daggers at Melyn as he walked off. Eris was the next on. She did not change into costume.

Do you have the time   
to listen to me whine   
About NOTHING and EVERYTHING   
all at once   
I am one of those   
Melodramatic fools   
Neurotic to the bone   
No doubt about it   
  
Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS   
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me   
It all keeps adding up   
I think I'm CRACKING UP   
Am I just PARANOID?   
Or am I just STONED   
  
I went to a shrink   
To analyze my dreams   
SHE says it's lack of sex   
that's bringing me down   
I went to a whore   
HE said my life's a bore   
So quit my whining cause   
it's bringing HER down   
  
Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS   
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me   
It all keeps adding up   
I think I'm CRACKING UP   
Am I just PARANOID?   
Uh,yuh,yuh,ya   
  
Grasping to CONTROL   
So I BETTER hold on   
  
Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS   
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me   
It all keeps adding up   
I think I'm CRACKING UP   
Am I just PARANOID?   
Or am I just STONED   


Eris left and was followed by Martina. 

"I am singing I song I made up for the evil lord Zamelgustar!" Martina cleared her throat. "Oh Zamelgustar you are great! How I love your vengeful ways! I want to be near you always! But my husband accidentally dropped you out the window! So now I pray to the river you fell into!"

Martina continued on and on and on until the entire cast fell asleep. Rhia leaned on a lever, which released a sandbag and that sandbag made all the horrid singing stop and gave Martina a small nap.

Zangulus was the next one out (when everybody woke up.) He wore a white tuxedo and looked as if he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

I'm gettin' married in the morning  
Ding dong the bells are gonna chime  
Pull out the stopper, let's have a whopper  
But get me to the church on time  
  
I gotta be there in the morning  
Spruced up and looking in my prime  
Girls, come and kiss me, show how you'll miss me  
But get me to the church on time  
  
If I am dancing, roll up the floor  
If I am whistling, whisk me out the door, for  
  
I'm gettin' married in the morning  
Ding dong the bells are gonna chime  
Kick up a rumpus but don't lose your compass  
And get me to the church, get me to the church  
For Pete's sake, get me to the church on time  
Zangulus ran off stage as Phibrezzo came on. The ten year old master of hell was dressed up like a little kid.

They cry in dark,  
so you can't see their tears.  
They hide in the light,  
so you can't see their fears.  
Forgive and forget,  
all the while...  
Love and pain become one and the same  
in the eyes of a wounded child.  
Because--hell, hell is for children!  
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess  
Hell--hell is for children,  
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love  
with your bones and your flesh...  
It's all so confusing,  
this brutal abusing...  
They blacken your eyes  
and then apologize...  
"Be daddy's good girl,  
and don't tell mommy a thing"...  
"Be a good little boy,  
and you'll get a new toy--  
tell grandma you fell from the swing."  
Because--hell, hell is for children!  
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess  
Hell--hell is for children,  
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love  
with your bones and your flesh...

Phibrezzo smiled and walked off stage as Guav came on in a pink tutu. Why? Because it is funny and Melyn wanted to see Guav in a tutu. But he still wore the rest of his normal cloths, which made him look more ridiculous.  
Short People got no reason  
Short People got no reason  
Short People got no reason  
To live  
  
They got little hands  
And little eyes  
And they walk around  
Tellin' great big lies  
They got little noses  
And tiny little teeth  
They wear platform shoes  
On their nasty little feet  
  
Well, I don't want no Short People  
Don't want no Short People  
Don't want no Short People  
Round here  
  
Short People are just the same  
As you and I  
(A Fool Such As I)  
All men are brothers  
Until the day they die  
(It's A Wonderful World)  
  
Short People got nobody  
Short People got nobody  
Short People got nobody  
To love  
  
They got little baby legs  
And they stand so low  
You got to pick 'em up  
Just to say hello  
They got little cars  
That got beep, beep, beep  
They got little voices  
Goin' peep, peep, peep  
They got grubby little fingers  
And dirty little minds  
They're gonna get you every time  
Well, I don't want no Short People  
Don't want no Short People  
Don't want no Short People  
'Round here

Guav walked off stage and Rhia came on.  
"Hi!" Rhia waved. She wore a long navy blue dress she bought at the renaissance festival. It had a teal color overdress. On top of her head she had a garland of navy blue and teal flowers.

I sit here by myself  
And you know I love it  
You know I don't want someone  
To come pay a visit

I wanna be by myself  
I came in this world alone  
Me myself I

I want to go to China  
And to see Japan  
I'd like to sail the oceans  
Before the seas run dry

I wanna go by myself  
I've just room enough for one  
Me myself I

I wanna be a big shot  
And have ninety cars  
I wanna have a boyfriend  
And a girl for laughs

But only on Saturdays  
Six days to be alone  
With just me myself I  
Me myself and I  
Just me myself I

Don't want to be the bad guy  
Don't want to make a soul cry  
It's not that I love myself  
I just don't want company  
Except me myself I

Rhia finished her song and Melyn came out. She sat on a stool and pulled out a guitar. She wore a long black skirt and a gray crushed velvet shirt with a renaissance look to it. She began to sing her song which sounded as if it was made for a coffee house.   


There is a boy who works at Starbucks

And he is very inspirational

He is very inspirational

Because of many things

I come in at 8:11

And he smiles and says 

"How are you?"

When he smiles and says "How are you?"

I swear My heart grows wings.

So today at 8:11

I decided I should meet him

I decided I should meet him

In a proper formal way

So today at 8:11

As he smiled and said "How are you?"

I said "Fine and my names Melyn."

And he softly answered "Hey."

And I said that "My name's Melyn,

And thank you for the extra foam."

And he said His name is Taylor

Which provides the inspiration to this Poem.

Taylor, the latte boy

Bring me java

Bring me joy

Oh! Taylor, the latte boy

I love him, I love him, I love him

And I'd like to get my nerve up

And recite my poem musical

He would like the fact it's musical

Because he plays guitar

And today at 8:11

Taylor told me he was play

With a band down in the village

In the basement of a bar

And he smoothly flipped the lever

To prepare my double latte

And for me he made a triple 

And he didn't think I knew

But I saw him flip the lever

And for me he made a triple

And I knew that triple latte meant

That Taylor loved me too

I said "What time are you playing

And thank you for the extra skim."

He said keep the 3.55 

because this triple latte was on him

Taylor the latte boy

Bring me java 

Bring me joy

Oh Taylor the latte boy!

I love him I love him I love him

I just to be the kind of girl

Who run with a rushed order

But finally a voice whispered 

'Love can be yours, 

If you step up to the counter and order'

Taylor the latte boy

Bring me java 

Bring me joy

Oh Taylor the latte boy!

I love him I love him I love him

So many years my heart has waited

Who'd have thought love would be

So caffeinated?

Taylor the latte boy

I love him I love him I love him

I love him I love him I love him...

Dolphin cheered loudly as Melyn finished. "Yay! That was fun!"

"Can we have the map now..." Rhia held out her hand. "Please?"

Dolphin smiled brightly. "A promise is a promise!" She handed over an old yellow piece of paper. "Have fun! And hit Beastmaster once for me!"

"Will do." The cast bolted out of Dolphins lair as fast as they could and headed in the direction of Wolf pack Island...then turned around as they realized Rezo was the one with the map, so they gave it to Zelgadis, whop then took them to Wolf Pack Island.

*****

Whew...that's over. This chapter took longer than I thought. If you don't agree with any song I have here, I'm sorry. I consulted many an anime fan (mostly Rhia) and found these songs to best fit each character. I really don't care if you dislike it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. I do not own ANY of these songs, though I do own cd's with the songs on them. Please do not sue.


	14. All good things must

Hello loyal fans! Well...October has been an interesting month for the Otaku. Mainly because I was accepted into the college of my choice and now I'm not to sure what to due with myself. Ok, I do know what to do with myself. I just can't hide my excitement. I have been caught on more than one occasion doing a random 'happy dance,' as I call the seizure looking movements I make with my body in a pathetic attempt to dance.

The school nurse thinks I'm Schizophrenic now! ^^ Finally the world is beginning to see the true me...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 

Anyways...on with the next chapter!

*****

All good thing must...

*****

It was the dead of midday when the cast landed on Wolf Pack Island. And to the cast, it was much smaller than they thought it would be. That is not saying Wolf Pack Castle is small by any means, it was quite huge. But you know how it goes. You always think the Magic Kingdom in Disney World is much large and then you get there and are greatly disappointed and because of that you are emotionally crushed and end up like the author...never mind...

The cast hid behind the rocks on the beach and watched the castle from afar. No guards roamed the outside, but Melyn and Rhia knew better. They had known how Be-a-weenie thinks for four years. The inside was loaded with guards he called 'Para's'. Most of them would be stationed at the front and back doors. All they really needed was a secret entrance or, better yet, a door that wasn't the front or back door.

At school many a teenager would slip out of school through those said doors.

After much debating, the cast finally agreed to enter the building at dinnertime. Why? Because that would catch the baddies most off guard.

"Ok." Rhia whispered and drew a diagram in the sand. "This is the castle here. This is the island here. Val, Guav and Phibby. You patrol the outside. Make sure no one gets out. Unless it is us. If it's us. We don't get killed. Everyone else does."

"Ok." The two Mazoku and one half Mazoku said in unison.

"Everyone else comes with us. Got it?"

"Yes." Everyone groaned and watched as Melyn and Rhia put on their Rambo gear. 

The remaining Slayers entered the dark spooky castle. (I, Melyn the Otaku, have no clue on what Beastmaster-sama's domain looks like, so I will be using my creative talent to make it up. Don't like it? Flame me!)

The front hallway was, in itself, tiresome. It went on and on and on with twists and turns and doors, which all seemed to be locked. Of course that wasn't the bad part. What made the experience just that much more nerve-racking was the sound.

Melyn decided to sing, yet again. And this time, Rhia joined in on the singing of 'Get along, try again,' 'Give a reason' and 'Breeze'.

Other than that, it was a fairly pleasant journey. 

After two hours of wandering, they came to a fork in the hall.

"I think we should stick to the...right." Rhia pointed. She looked back at the rest of the group and noticed it was...much smaller than they started with. "Melyn, half the group is missing."

Melyn shrugged. "It's been like that for over an hour."

Rhia sighed and did a role call. It appeared Fillia, Amelia, Sylphiel, Martina, Zangulus and Gourry were missing from the group.

Kopii snorted. "See Eris. It was your butt-ugly face that scared them off."

Eris stuck out her tongue. "Nuh-uh! It was your stupid stupidness that did it!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. "Uh...guys...did you eat anything here..."

"She did! She did!" Kopii pointed at her. "She ate something! But I didn't! I'm a good boy!"

Melyn squealed. "They sound like the little kids at my work!" Melyn clapped happily. She loved her work. She babysat toddlers, and it appeared that was what Kopii and Eris were right now.

"Kopii! Your mean!" Eris kicked his shins. "You ate that cake at the crazy lady's place too!"

"Liar Liar pants on fire!"

"Children!" Melyn snapped. "We do not say things like that! Those words hurt people's feelings. Now, Kopii, apologize to Eris. Eris, you apologize to Kopii." 

Both bad guys from the first season pouted and looked at each other. "Sorry." They said in unison. 

"Better. Now hug."

The two lightly hugged.

"Ow! He pulled my hair!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"DID TOO!" Eris screamed and chucked all of her weight into Kopii, who in turn, fell backwards into the wall. As they hit the wall, it triggered a trap door and they both fell through.

"Well." Everyone stood there blinking stupidly. "At least we don't get to hear them arguing anymore..."

*****

"Oh crap!" Fillia kicked at the wolf trying to chew on her leg. "Help me!"

Amelia let down a hand. "Up here! We're on the bookshelf!"

Fillia leapt up and scrambled up the tall bookcase. Once she was in reach, Gourry and Amelia pulled her up.

"Dragon Slave!" Sylphiel yelled and made the demonic wolf into little pieces of ash.

"I swear! I will kill Melyn and Lina for this! This is all their fault!" Martina screamed.

Zangulus put an arm around his wife. "Oh course you will. And I will help you. I would never let you do something like that alone!"

"Oh Muffin..."Martina's eyes became watery as the background turned all sparkly and cherry blossom petals floated all around them.

"Sweetheart!"

"Precious!"

"Boo Boo Kitty!"

"Luscious lips!"

The two continued on in this gross display of emotion as the rest of the Slayer Squad looked on with horrified faces.

*****

"Gin!" Valguav lay down his hand with a defiant smile. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and eyed the two other mazoku's. "Pay up, boys."

"Damn you." Phibrezzo growled and threw some gold coins at the aqua haired teen.

"I didn't raise you to rip me off." Guav growled.

"Well, you shouldn't have left me in the care of those people then." Val smiled and counted his earnings. "Aren't we keeping watch for Melyn?"

"That's what we're _suppose_ to be doing." Phibrezzo eyed the youngest one of the group.

"Oh, Ok." Val began to shuffle the cards for another game of gin-rummy.

*****

"Ok, we're now officially lost." Rhia groaned and slumped down against the wall. "Xellos, where are we?"

"Ah...sore wa himitsu desu..."

Rhia glared. "I'll take that as an 'I'm lost too' comment."

"I know the way..." said a very masculine voice no one seemed to recognize.

"Great. That's just great." Rhia ignored the person talking. "We're lost in a enormous palace run by evil school administration."

"I said I know the way to the throne room."

"Now everybody stop their complaining and let me think this through..."

Melyn's eyes widened and she began to pull franticly at Rhia's sleeve. "Rhia....Rhia..."

"What is it now?"

Melyn pointed up and Rhia followed her finger.

Standing not two feet away from them was a tall, dark and incredibly bishonen man. He wore a long red robe and had lusciously long black hair. Melyn and Rhia began to drool instantly (not to mention the rest of the female cast).

His arms were crossed over his chest and disapproval was written all over his face. "If you were listening, Miss Rhikat, I said I know the way to the throne room."

Rhia's jaw dropped and she tried to form words. After a few minutes of trying, she finally succeeded. "And you would be..?"

He smirked and brushed the long locks out of his ruby eyes. "Isn't it obvious?"

Melyn jumped up "Shabraningdo! It's Shabraningdo! My God he's hot. Much better looking now than in the first season when he looked like a lobster."

"Uh...Melyn. That's not a nice thing to say to a guy much more powerful than you..." Lina whispered into the redhead's ear. "Even if it is true--"

A painstaking cry of despair cut Lina off. Everyone turned their attention to Rezo. "Oh Zelgadis! My grandson/great grandson! What have I done to you!" It seemed Shabraningdo also affected Rezo's personality as well as his mental disposition.

Rezo locked his arms around the chimera and cried. "Look what I have done to you! Kill me now! Oh what have I done!"

Zelgadis looked panicked, as did everyone else, but he looked just a tad bit more panicked than everyone else. "Rezo..?"

"What a tortured life you must have lead with that body! Why don't you just kill me now!" Rezo began to cry harder.

Melyn handed him a tissue.

Zelgadis let the last of his words sink in. "You...want me to...kill you?"

Rezo nodded. "It is the least I can do! Oh woe-is-me!"

Zel shrugged. "If it's what you want..." He began to draw his sword.

"No!" Rhia pushed Rezo off. "If you kill him, we have one less person to kill Be-a-weenie with!" She hissed. "Save the slaying until after the battle."

Zel somewhat pouted. "I guess I could hold off until later..."

Melyn pulled some duck tape out of her bag-o-wonder and taped Rezo's mouth shut and his arms behind his back. "No more glomping your grandson/great grandson." She wiggled a disapproving finger at the not-so-blind red priest. "Glomping is my job."

*******

"This is all your fault!" Eris yelled. Both she and Kopii were tied together and suspended over a pit of molten lava. Around them danced some not-so-happy creatures that appeared to be using them as a sacrifice of some sorts.

"This is not my fault! It's your fault!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

******

"That is the throne room there." Shabraningdo pointed to a big...really big wooden door with golden knockers. "The one you seek should be hiding in there. I wish you luck." 

"Wish us luck?!" Rhia grabbed the end of his robe and held on tight. "You ain't going anywhere!"

"W...what? I did help you out, Miss Rhikat!"

Rhia shrugged. "So what? You found the room. What we need help with is defeating this moron!"

"Uh...Rhia...Yu won't wanna here this..." Melyn pushed the door. "It's not opening..."

******

A howl of complete misery flooded the hallways where the separated Slayers. They continued to sit atop the book case as more and more wolfy-demons attacked them. 

"I'm glad I'm not there..." Gourry gulped as he whacked another one away from Amelia. 

"Mr. Gourry! We should help! Their probably in big trouble!"

******

Klonk!

Klonk!

Melyn screamed and ran as fast as she could headlong into the big wooden door. After she hit it (and failed to open the door) she would stagger back a few feet, shake off the nauseating dizziness and repeat the process all over again. 

"Uh...Miss Melyn..." Shabraningdo sweat-dropped as he watch Melyn inflict pain upon herself over and over and over. "There is an easier way..."

"What? Do you have a key or something?" Rhia watched Melyn stagger away from the door and pass out.

"Uh...no." Shabraningdo walked over to the door and pulled instead of pushed. Amazingly, the door opened.

"I knew that." Rhia grumbled as she walked into the throne room. Everyone else followed. 

The throne room was as massive and dark as everyone expected it to be. The walls were painted neutral colors and it appeared Be-a-weenie did some remodeling. In the corner, chained to the wall was Beastmaster. (And she did not look happy)

"Beastmaster-sama!" Xellos cried and ran over to her.

"X...Xellos?" She looked at her minion in shock. Her face twisted in anger and she began to choke Xellos with her loose chains. "Idiot! You left me here all alone! And for what? MORTALS!"

Melyn gulped and backed away. "Guess Xellos is gonna be grounded..."

Rhia winced. "I'd hate to have her as a mother figure."

An obnoxious evil cackle filled the room. "Well well... Looks like you finally found me. But enjoy this victory, for it will be your last!"

Rhia rolled her eyes. "Why do villains always say that? Can't they think of original lines?"

Shabraningdo's jaw dropped. "I had some good lines!"

"Yeah, sure. Most of them were 'roar roar." Rhia rolled her eyes once again and let out an exasperated breath. "Well, lets start fighting."

"I really am not in the mood for fighting." Melyn whined. "Can we get it all done with in one blow?"

Rhia shook her head and pulled out a piece of paper. 'No can do. Our contract with the 'Fans of Eternal Mental Anguish Ladies Edition' states we must have a long drawn out fight scene."

"Damn that contract with FEMALE!" Melyn shook her fist at the sky. "Why did we ever join you!"

Rhia bopped Melyn over the head. "Duh, we passed the test stating we are not the typical self-insert characters and we now have every right to go into worlds, such as this, and cause mass confusion and chaos! Besides, they had a dental plan."

"Oh yeah..." Melyn sighed. "How long does this battle have to be?"

Rhia read over the contract. "Depends on the show...Some might take ten to twenty chapters of mindless karate moves...Some might take a few seconds."

"What about Slayers!" Melyn put her hands on her hips and pouted.

Rhia scanned the contract. "Technically, it would be a few short meetings with the big bad then we learn who the real threat is...Someone gets kidnapped/killed/city destroyed..." Rhia dropped the paper. "Then there has to be a few Dragon Slaves here, a Ra Tilt there, the sword of light makes an appearance, things like that..."

"Uh...guys..."Lina pointed at Be-a-weenie. "He's charging."

Rhia and Melyn ignored her. "Technically we have done most of that in out travel. No one has died, but we did do the rest of it, right?" 

"No one was kidnapped either. Or a town being destroyed."

Melyn shrugged. "Can we just kill him? We already know a spell that's a kill-all."

Rhia nodded. "True, but do we really want to use it?"

Melyn smirked evilly "Of course we do!"

"Don't you need the Clair Bible back?" Lina blasted a fireball in Be-a-weenie's direction. "Find that first, _then_ kill him!"

"She has a point." 

Melyn and Rhia split up to search for the book as Lina held the evil off with Zelgadis. Rezo was still spurting out apologies to Zelgadis that just wanted the chimera to stab himself with a sword, even though it was physically impossible for him to hurt himself on the blade.

"Found it!" Rhia held the book over her head. "Mine!"

Be-a-weenie turned his little bald, horny head and glared at Rhia. "Thief! Saturday school for that!" The associate principal didn't look much different from when they first left. He even wore the same cheap gray suit.

Melyn walked over to the neko. "Rhia, please? Can I please do it? Pretty please? People want this fic to be over with! The author's hand is cramping up! We can't keep it going much longer!"

Rhia nodded. "So...who gets to cast the spell?"

"Me!"

Rhia glared. "Says who?"

Melyn glared back. "I wanna do it!"

"So do I!"

"You guys could...oh...I don't know...DO IT TOGETHER!!!!" Zelgadis sounded really annoyed.

"What's going on?" The missing Slayers showed up...well, not Kopii and Eris. No one's to sure where they are.

Lina shrugged. "They're arguing on who gets to kill that ugly guy."

"Rock paper scissors! Rock paper scissors!" Melyn and Rhia screamed out in unison. Neither wanted to not annihilate the associate principal.

"Screw this!" Rhia pushed Melyn away. " _Darkness beyond blackest pitch_..."

"No fair!" Melyn jumped up. "Darkness beyond blackest pitch..."

Everyone's eyes went buggy. It was bad enough when Lina did it by herself. Now two people standing at a close range were reciting the most powerful spell in all magic's. 

"Run!" Everyone screamed and ducked for cover.

"..._deeper than the deepest night! Lord of Darkness, shining like gold upon the Sea of Chaos, I call upon thee, swear myself to thee! Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"_

Be-a-weenie stared at the glowing vortex the spell was creating with stupidity in his eyes. "Two more Saturday schools! For the both of you!"

"GIGA SLAVE!" 

The two girls finished in unison and chaos entered the room...no literally! From the swirly black mass the Lord of Nightmares appeared, and she looked somewhat ticked.

"Oh boy..." Gourry gulped. "This is a bad thing, isn't it?"

L-Sama whacked Melyn and Rhia over the head with her shovel. "I was on vacation."

It did appear she was on vacation in some tropical area, due to the fact she wore a straw hat, Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. In her other hand was a fruity drink in a coconut shell.

"Auntie L!" Melyn hugged the being of creation. "Auntie L! Auntie L! I missed you so much! Are you coming to visit during Christmas?"

L-Sama shoved her niece off and looked at the slightly more sane relative of hers. "How did you get here? You live in another dimension."

"The Clair Bible." Both girls said in unison and held up the blue book.

"I put that in the Sea of Chaos..."

"AKA, Melyn's closet." Rhia pointed at her cousin. "Melyn is the only being with knowledge of how to survive that place."

L-Sama groaned. Of course Melyn was not the neatest of people, but who would have thought her closet would have become such a mess it would become a gateway to the Sea of Chaos.

"You two are going home now." L-Sama glared. 

"Aww....Auntie L!" Melyn whined.

"Say your goodbyes and go home."

Melyn sniffled and walked over to the Slayers. "I gotta go home now...."

"What?" Gourry looked like he was going to cry. "But your so cool! Can't you stay?"

"NO!" Everyone else answered.

Rhia walked over to Zelgadis. "Melyn and I decided to give you the Clair Bible without Auntie L's permission.!" She smiled and put the book in his hand.

Zelgadis looked as if she just told him he had another head.

"Bye Bye Shabby." Melyn hugged the Mazoku supreme lord. "What are you going to do next?"

Shabraningdo shrugged. "I don't know...go home I guess."

Zel turned to his grandfather/great grandfather and smiled. "So...what was this about letting me kill you?"

Rezo wailed and attached himself around Zel's middle. "Kill me! Kill me now!"

Zel pushed the priest off and drew his sword. "So...how shall I kill you?"

Zel was popped over the head by Rezo's staff. "I changed my mind."

Rhia's jaw dropped. "Weird..." She turned to her sniffling cousin. "What?"

"Shabraningdo went back into Rezo's head."

"Ah..." That explained his mood swing.

The two girls walked over to their aunt and awaited going home. After a few seconds a bright light began to engulf them.

"Hey!" Rhia's eyes buggered. "We forgot Be-a-weenie!"

Melyn shrugged. "Leave him to Zelas. She'll have fun with him." Melyn smiled brightly. "Besides, it's one less school official we need to worry about."

"What the hell?!?!" They heard Zelgadis yell in a rage. "What is this? A joke! What kind of writing is this?!?!"

"Uh...English?" Melyn was now glad they were leaving. They all could speak Japanese (as most fans already know). It appeared the cast only knew bits and pieces of English that they used every once in a while with catch phrases. Guess they don't know how the lettering of the alphabet.

The last thing they heard was the foul shriek of an angry chimera.

*****

Melyn sighed as she sat in class. Life was once again boring. She tapped her pencil on the desk and watched the minutes creep by.

"Hey Melyn!" Rhia whispered. "What's wrong?"

"Bored." Melyn groaned.

Rhia smirked. "That's what you always say."

"Hey Rhia...Could we do that really stupid thing."

"What really stupid thing?"

"You know...a sequel?"

"Maybe..."

******

Meanwhile....

*****

"This is so your fault." Eris hissed

"I believe it is your fault, you stupid bit--"

"Both of you quiet!" A lady dressed in gray hissed. On her badge was the name 'Ms. Dean, associate principal, Wayzata High school'

*******

*Melyn falls over dead.* Done! It's done! It's finally over! The cast is now safe...except for Xellos, Zelgadis and Val who now live in my closet.

The last little blip with Eris and Kopii has another of my vice principals, Ms. Dean. She's pretty nice if you don't piss her off.

Disclaimer: For the last bloody time, IT AIN'T MINE!!!


End file.
